Opinion

Band 5+: Some people think mobi phones should be bannedin places like liblaries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many people believe that government should ban the use of mobile phones in public places, while others disagree with that. This essay also disagrees with this trend and argues that the mobile phones can help in serious situations and save human life.

First of all, individuals mainly use mobile phones as source of connection. They provide us opportunities to talk and chat online, share news and others. If the government restricts the use of phones, nobody will be able to get crucial information. For example, people will not find out that the meeting was postponed, or that some of their relatives have problems and they urgently need to go back to home. Similar situation is related to threat in the urban and rural areas. Residents from different places will not get any messages about upcoming threat on time, and that can put them in danger.

Moreover, the mobile phones can help individuals to report about the danger. Nowadays, younger generation, and especially girls suffer from harassment; and if there is no source of connection, they will not be able to call police or their relatives and parents. In other case, children might gets lost somewhere and without mobile phones they may not find their way back. Furthermore, without the phones victims of harassment or theft will have no chance to record the video of attack or take a photo of a criminal.

In conclusion, restricting the use of mobile phones in public places would lead to several problems and threats to human life.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

phones: 8

mobile: 6

places: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position against restricting mobile phone use in public places. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The arguments are relevant but could be more fully extended and supported with specific examples or evidence. Additionally, there are some lapses in clarity and precision, such as the vague reference to 'serious situations' and the underdeveloped conclusion. To improve, aim to provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples for each point, and ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of cohesive devices. For example, the second paragraph starts with 'First of all' but the third paragraph uses 'Moreover', which is fine, but the connection between ideas could be smoother. The conclusion is brief and does not fully summarize the main points. To improve, use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'restrict', 'crucial information', 'harassment', and 'victims'. However, there are some awkward phrasings and repetitions, such as 'source of connection' and 'similar situation is related to threat'. The word choice is sometimes imprecise, e.g., 'individuals mainly use mobile phones as source of connection' could be better expressed as 'individuals mainly use mobile phones as a means of connection'. To improve, expand vocabulary and use more precise and natural expressions, avoiding repetition. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'government should ban' should be 'the government should ban', 'mobile phones can help in serious situations' should be 'mobile phones can help in serious situations', and 'children might gets lost' should be 'children might get lost'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. The sentence structures are mostly simple and sometimes repetitive. To improve, work on grammar accuracy, particularly with articles, subject-verb agreement, and verb tenses. Also, vary sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical forms.

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Band 5+: Some people think mobi phones should be bannedin places like liblaries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some people think mobi phones should be bannedin places like liblaries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some people think mobi phones should be bannedin places like liblaries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think mobi phones should be bannedin places like liblaries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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