Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think that government should provide people with free healthcare. Others, however, believe that people should pay for their own healthcare. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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This essay will consider about two types of ideas:some people believe that goverments should provide basic health while individuals should contribute to their own healthcare.From my point of the view,goverments should guarantee basic healthcare,while people can pay for private services.

One important reason is having a range of increasingly unpredictable risks in health problems.For example,individuals don’t want to fight reduse the risk of illness or low-income families can’t afford medical treatment.Additionally,even if members of society have a large budget they don’t have full confidence in doctors.Consequently,individuals can require goverments to public health compaigns and goverment-funded healthcare.Governments may need to allocate more money to hospitals.This can put pressure on taxpayers.

Another point is that,providing free healthcare for everyone can significantly increase public expenditure,which may force goverments to raise taxes to cover rising medical costs.However,increase public expenditure place pressure on citizens budget.This could lead to purchase of private medical services.Which leads to having more freedom of choice when buying private medical services than in publicy available medical services.As a result,taking financial responsibility for own healthcare leads to paying for additional services.

To conclude,taking both views into consideration the financial responsibility for healthcare would be shared between goverments and individuals.It seems to me that,healthcare should be affortable for everyone.This measure can significantly improve citizens’ overall well-being.

Word Count: 213

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

medical: 5

goverments: 4

should: 4

health: 3

private: 3

public: 3

healthcare: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and presenting a clear position. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer's opinion, but the arguments are not fully extended. The second paragraph attempts to discuss the government's role but includes unclear points and grammatical issues that obscure meaning. The third paragraph touches on the drawbacks of free healthcare but the reasoning is not fully developed. The conclusion restates the position but could be more concise. To improve, focus on clearly separating the two views, providing more specific examples and logical support, and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and coherent development. Also, proofread for grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between sentences. For example, the link between the idea of unpredictable health risks and the need for government-funded healthcare could be more explicitly stated. Additionally, the second body paragraph shifts focus without a clear topic sentence, making it harder to follow the argument. To improve, use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses some appropriate vocabulary related to healthcare and government funding, such as 'unpredictable risks', 'low-income families', 'public expenditure', and 'private medical services'. However, there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'goverments' instead of 'governments', 'affortable' instead of 'affordable') and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'fight reduse the risk', 'purchase of private medical services'). To improve, expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and natural collocations. Also, proofread to eliminate spelling mistakes and ensure word choice is accurate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include missing articles ('goverments should provide basic health'), incorrect verb forms ('individuals don't want to fight reduse'), and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas after introductory phrases). Additionally, some sentences are incomplete or run-on (e.g., 'Which leads to having more freedom of choice...'). To improve, focus on sentence construction, ensure subject-verb agreement, and use punctuation correctly. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing more complex sentences accurately will help.

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