Discussion

Band 5+: Some people think that modern technology has made it easier for people to maintain long-distance relationships with family and friends, while others think that it has weakened these relationships because of reduced face-to-face interaction. Discuss both perspectives and give your own opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

Technology has significantly improved the way people communicate with each other. Some people believe it has made communication easier, while some people argue it has negatively affected face-to-face interaction. In my view technology has made communication faster.

Some people think that technology has made communication convenient and faster than before. For instance, people can now communicate with their families over long distances by using applications such as whatsapp etc. It is only possible due to technology, furthermore technology is vital in providing news from different parts of the world including wars and other political tensions i think its very important to remain up-to-date. In the recent Covid-19 outbreak all classes were shifted to online which saved valuable time of people, furthermore lots of people do remote jobs for bread and butter. As a result i think benefits of innovations in technology outweigh its disadvantages.

On the other hand some people argue that technology is responsible for reducing face to face interactions. The reason behind this is excessive use of social media apps like instagram and facebook being most common. People use whatsapp to communicate with friends and families instead of meeting them, additionally decline in face to face interaction is the major cause of isolation in societies. I believe the negative effects on face to face interactions can be controlled if people use technolgy properly.

Word Count: 225

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 10

technology: 7

communicate: 3

other: 3

communication: 3

think: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer's opinion, but the opinion is not fully developed. The second paragraph provides some relevant examples (e.g., WhatsApp, online classes) but the ideas are not fully extended and the connection to the prompt could be clearer. The third paragraph discusses the opposing view but the argument is underdeveloped and the conclusion is abrupt. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more detailed explanations and examples, and strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion. Additionally, avoid informal language and minor grammatical errors. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear linking between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing communication apps to news and then to Covid-19 feels disjointed. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'However') and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting examples that are logically connected. The conclusion could be more decisive and summarize the main points more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, including some topic-specific terms like 'face-to-face interaction', 'remote jobs', and 'social media apps'. However, there is repetition of words like 'people' and 'technology', and some informal or imprecise phrases (e.g., 'bread and butter', 'technolgy' misspelled). To improve, expand your vocabulary with synonyms (e.g., 'individuals', 'advancements', 'digital communication') and use more precise and formal language. Avoid informal expressions and ensure correct spelling.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., 'In my view technology...'), incorrect capitalization (e.g., 'whatsapp', 'i'), and run-on sentences. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and article usage. To improve, focus on sentence structure, use a variety of complex sentences, and proofread for punctuation and spelling. Practicing grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can help enhance accuracy.

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