Opinion

Band 7+: Task 2: Some people believe that extreme sports like skydiving and skiing are too dangerous and should therefore be prohibited. Do you agree or disagree with this belief? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

The topic concerning sports elicits divergent perspectives within scholarly discourse. Some people emphasize the risks associated with extreme sports, namely skydiving and skiing, hence they should be strictly prohibited. Personally speaking, I totally disagree with this proposal, despite pinpointing the rationale behind this standpoint.

On the one hand, those sports are highly efficient in deriving people from daily pressure and testing players’ skills. To elaborate, those sports offer meaningful and entertaining moments through uniting people into groups and pushing their adrenaline levels to the highest. Work pressure disappears as people interact with like-minded individuals and engage in life-threatening activities. Scientific research conducted by Oxford University clarified that maximizing advenaline levels truly erased negative feelings hidden in players’ minds. Furthermore, the sense of accomplishment gained once surpassing limitations and barriers instills a sense of satisfaction and improves physical wellbeing in general. Stepping out of the comfort zone and involving in challenging yet thrilling activities like skydiving or skiing is a memorable experience that lasts long in players’ minds.

However, there are some reasons accounting for the fact that those sports should be limited in scale. Firstly, in specific conditions such as storms or utterly heavy snow, those sports put people’s life at risk, and some heart-breaking situations in the past have evidenced that truth. If players are the breadwinners of the family, the situation becomes worse, negatively impacting not only players but also related family members. Additionally, safety procedures are not obeyed carefully by those players, despite the constant reminding from those in authority, showing no signs of development. Therefore, some activities should be prohibited, regarding those as reflection for players in other fields to experience.

To sum up, life-threatening activities are interesting and appealing in terms of improving happiness index, yet it should take place in careful situations to prevent any worse situations from unexpectedly occurring.

Word Count: 306

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

those: 7

sports: 6

people: 4

should: 4

activities: 4

players: 4

players': 3

situations: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with some elaboration. However, there are instances where the supporting ideas could be more focused and precise. To improve, ensure that each point is thoroughly developed with specific examples and a clear connection to the main argument. Also, consider refining the conclusion to provide a stronger summary of your position.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and logical flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, although there are instances where transitions could be smoother. For example, in the second paragraph, the transition from the general statement about sports to the specific example of skydiving and skiing could be more explicit. Similarly, in the third paragraph, the connection between the risks of extreme sports and the impact on family members could be strengthened. Overall, the essay is well-organized and easy to follow, but there is room for improvement in terms of refining transitions and ensuring that the relationships between ideas are clearly articulated.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some evidence of sophisticated word choice. However, there are instances where the language could be more precise and natural. For example, the phrase "deriving people from daily pressure" could be rephrased for greater clarity and impact. Similarly, the use of "accounting for the fact" is somewhat awkward and could be replaced with a more concise alternative. While the vocabulary is generally accurate, there are a few instances where the word choice is not entirely appropriate for the context. Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of refining word choice and ensuring that the language is both accurate and natural. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, with evidence of complex sentence constructions. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, the phrase "maximizing advenaline levels truly erased negative feelings" contains a grammatical error and could be rephrased for greater clarity. Similarly, the sentence "Therefore, some activities should be prohibited, regarding those as reflection for players in other fields to experience" is somewhat convoluted and could be simplified. While the essay is generally grammatically sound, there is room for improvement in terms of eliminating errors and ensuring that the language is both accurate and precise.

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