Opinion

Band 6+: The purpose of business is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In today’s world, some people believe that businesses only concentrate on making money, while others think that businesses also consider other factors, such as customer satisfaction, building a positive reputation, and meeting customers’ needs. If they want to build a positive reputation, they have to focus on these factors. One of these is prioritising customer satisfaction which helps businesses build customer loyalty and achieve long-term success.

To begin with, businesses should not only focus on profit because customer satisfaction is equally important. If companies only concentrate on making money ,as a consequence, they will lose their customers . They become dissatisfied and choose other companies instead of them. By meeting customers’ needs the company may build a positive reputation, providing high-quality products. Furthermore, they should provide customers with the best and latest products, by keeping up with the latest ideas and fashionable trends.

In addition, businesses should care about society and the environment. If they only think about making money, they may ignore environmental problems and treat workers unfairly. Therefore, companies should take actions that contribute to success and satisfaction of society. This will help them be recognized as a responsible company among people.

In conclusion, businesses should pay attention to their actions because they can easily affect their reputation. They have to consider society and the environment because it is also important to protect nature and be attentive towards problems related to pollution. Sometimes the companies may pollute air by discharging toxic fumes and greenhouse gases. To sum up, businesses should not only focus only on profit; they should also satisfy customers’ needs and act responsibly towards society and the environment.

Word Count: 272

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

businesses: 7

should: 7

customer: 4

satisfaction: 4

reputation: 4

companies: 4

society: 4

making: 3

money: 3

positive: 3

customers': 3

needs: 3

build: 3

focus: 3

because: 3

their: 3

environment: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that businesses should look beyond profit to include customer satisfaction and social responsibility. The ideas are relevant and logically organized. However, to reach a higher band, the development of ideas needs more depth. For instance, in the second paragraph, the connection between 'fashionable trends' and the core argument of 'not just making money' could be more explicitly linked to long-term sustainability versus short-term profit. Additionally, while the points about the environment and workers are good, providing a specific example (e.g., a company implementing green policies to avoid fines or gain brand loyalty) would strengthen the supporting evidence. Ensure that the distinction between 'making money' and 'the purpose of business' is explored more philosophically to provide a more sophisticated response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas can be improved. Some transitions are a bit repetitive (e.g., using 'To begin with' and 'In addition'), and the connection between sentences within paragraphs could be smoother. To improve, try using more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next to avoid a 'list-like' feel.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the topic and is generally accurate. You have used some good terms such as 'customer loyalty,' 'long-term success,' and 'responsible company.' However, the range of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and there is some repetition of words like 'businesses,' 'customers,' and 'money.' To reach a higher band, aim to use more varied synonyms (e.g., 'corporations,' 'enterprises,' 'profitability,' 'consumers') and more academic collocations. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. While the meaning is always clear, there are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. For example, the punctuation around 'as a consequence' is incorrect, and some sentences are slightly repetitive in structure. Focus on improving your control over complex sentence constructions and ensure that punctuation is used correctly to separate clauses and manage sentence flow.

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