Opinion

Band 6+: The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s society, the media often gives more attention to issues and emergencies rather than positive development. Some people believe that this is harmful to individuals and societies. In my opinion, I totally agree with this view because they not only affect people’s mental health, but also make society develop more slowly.

The media, which focuses on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments, can affect people’s mental health. This is because people are exposed constantly to a large amount of information about war, drama or natural disasters every day on televisions, social media, or online newspapers. As a result, they may feel nervous, stressed, and even overthinking about what can happen to them and their family in the future. Gradually, this can damage their mental health and make them think negatively about life.

This trend, on the other hand, also makes society develop more slowly. When the media gives more attention to emergencies and scandals, positive developments like technology innovation, AI, science, and education improvements may receive less attention from people. This can make people miss several useful knowledge, and companies miss opportunities to keep up with news trends to improve their products or services. Therefore, new ideas or technology may not spread widely, and make it more difficult for society to develop

In conclusion, I totally agree that focusing on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments can affect people’s mental health and make society develop slowly.Therefore, I think the media should give information about both issues, emergencies and positive developments

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

society: 5

media: 5

emergencies: 5

positive: 5

people: 4

mental: 4

health: 4

developments: 4

about: 4

attention: 3

rather: 3

affect: 3

people's: 3

develop: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear, consistent position throughout. The ideas are relevant and well-organized into logical paragraphs. The first body paragraph provides a good explanation of the psychological impact on individuals, while the second body paragraph offers a logical connection between media focus and societal progress. To reach a higher score, the development of ideas could be further extended with more specific examples (e.g., naming a specific type of technological advancement or a specific psychological phenomenon) to add depth and nuance to the arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, two distinct body paragraphs addressing different aspects of the prompt, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is easy to follow. To improve, try to use a wider variety of cohesive devices and transition signals. For example, instead of starting sentences with 'This is because' or 'This can make', try using more sophisticated linking phrases like 'Such constant exposure to...' or 'Consequently, this lack of visibility regarding...' to create a smoother flow between sentences.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate and allows for a clear expression of ideas. However, there is some repetition of words from the prompt (e.g., 'positive developments', 'emergencies', 'problems'). To reach a higher band, aim to use more synonyms and precise academic collocations. For instance, instead of 'make society develop more slowly', you could use 'hinder societal progress' or 'stagnate social advancement'. Instead of 'useful knowledge', consider 'valuable insights' or 'groundbreaking information'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The writer demonstrates a good command of basic and some complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that prevent a higher score. Specifically, there are issues with countability (e.g., 'several useful knowledge' should be 'a great deal of useful knowledge' or 'various pieces of useful knowledge') and subject-verb agreement/parallelism (e.g., 'and make it more difficult' should be 'making it more difficult' to maintain the structure). Pay close attention to article usage and ensuring that complex sentences are punctuated correctly to avoid run-on effects.

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