Opinion

Band 7+: The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years, there has been a rising level of untrained and unoccupied youth, whereas the military has faced lack of attendance; therefore, obligatory military service is advisable and vital for the young generation. Although attending mandatory military service can lead to certain drawbacks, I believe it provides more benefits than costs.

On the one hand, mandatory military service is necessary due to the fact that it can develop a more skilled workforce by fostering discipline and responsibility. This happens when the military has high demands for physical skills, so the youth could be trained endurance and stamina via compulsory training. Furthermore, applying in the military can benefit both the nation’s stability and the youth’s future developments. More specifically, the military offers a wide range of training such as technology, healthcare and education, which helps governments meet essential needs in certain aspects. Another advantage of requisite military service is high financial support in the long term. As for the retired people, the government offers financial and health insurance ensuring that they can maintain a reasonable standard of living after leaving the workforce. Therefore, requiring young adults to undertake military service is a beneficial policy.

Although compulsory military service provides several advantages, there are still certain drawbacks of it. One main disadvantage of this is the infringement on freedom of the young people. Despite the benefits of physical training, these skills cannot be vital in personal development and may delay university studies of the young generation. Moreover, covering the costs for training and insurance may result in financial burden on the government. As a result, the military should reduce unnecessary training and provide optional choices for the youth.

In conclusion, while some people believe attending the military service may reduce personal development, it still provides valuable experiences and skills. The government should invest in this policy and propose more effective solutions.

Word Count: 310

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

military: 12

service: 7

training: 5

young: 4

certain: 3

provides: 3

skills: 3

financial: 3

people: 3

government: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear, consistent position throughout the response. The ideas are relevant and well-developed, particularly the connection between military training and the development of a skilled workforce. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides, and a concise conclusion. To improve further, ensure that the development of ideas is even more precise. For instance, in the second paragraph, the link between military training and 'meeting essential needs' in technology or healthcare could be more explicitly explained to show exactly how a soldier's training translates to these civilian sectors. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion more directly reinforces your specific stance (that benefits outweigh drawbacks) rather than just summarizing the existence of both sides.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that address different sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The use of cohesive devices like 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', and 'Moreover' helps guide the reader. However, some transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother to ensure the flow is effortless. To improve, try to link the consequences of your points more naturally rather than relying solely on standard transition words.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'obligatory', 'infringement', 'fostering discipline', and 'financial burden'. There are some minor phrasing issues (e.g., 'faced lack of attendance' instead of 'facing a shortage of personnel' or 'the youth could be trained endurance' instead of 'trained in endurance'). Aim for more natural collocations to reach a higher band. For example, instead of 'applying in the military', use 'enlisting in the military'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good mix of simple and complex sentence structures. Most sentences are clear and convey the intended meaning. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies regarding preposition usage and sentence construction (e.g., 'the military has faced lack of attendance' and 'these skills cannot be vital'). Pay close attention to how verbs interact with their objects and the use of articles to ensure full control over your grammatical structures.

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