Opinion

Band 5+: There is a belief that young individuals must attend school full-time until they are at least 18 years old. To what degree do you support or oppose this idea? Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

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In recent years, there is a belief that young peoples must spend lots of time at school until they are least 18 years old. From my respective, i firmly oppose with that idea.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why youngsters should not spend all of time at school. Because of mental health, assigments and all subjects will make them to feel more tired, some of them will stress and axiety. Moreover, if them focus a huge time at school, they will lost their relationship. They have to spend all of their time at school and they cannot connect with their family, and not have time to go outside with their friends. For example, they will very busy during they have an exams, therefore, they might not check the phone if their parents call them. Besides, they will have time for entertainment during a hard day study at school. They have to relax after that time. Therefore, full-time at school is not good for students. Although, knowning lots of knowledge can have effect for them, but they should be careful because of its affect.

In contrast, youngsters will recieve several benefits if they raise more time at school. Firstly, if they want to gain a successful jobs, they have to spend more time for learing skills and improving your own knowledges. Moreover, spend a large time at school can helps them ask the question for their teachers more easily if they face a difficult lesson.

In my opinion, it is very important to study, but we should spend less time for it. Pupils have to have more time for relaxing with their family and friends. Studying too hard and long can have affect a significant impact for mental heath, leading to some serious problems.

In conclusion, until least 18 years old, we should attend time at school but we should use the time carefully and not srudy hard all of the time.

Word Count: 324

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

school: 9

their: 7

spend: 6

should: 5

years: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the potential negative impacts of full-time schooling, as well as the benefits of alternative activities. Also, ensure that your arguments are logically structured and easy to follow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but the connections between paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between ideas within paragraphs are sometimes abrupt. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using clearer transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to that topic. Consider using cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas and sentences.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice ('respective' instead of 'perspective,' 'raise more time' instead of 'spend more time'). The vocabulary used is generally basic, and there is little evidence of sophisticated or nuanced language. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise and varied language. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that you are using words in their correct context. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms, but always check the meaning and usage of new words before incorporating them into your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and problems with article usage. Sentence structure is often simple and repetitive, limiting the overall grammatical range. There are also issues with punctuation. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Vary your sentence structure to include simple, compound, and complex sentences. Proofread your work carefully to identify and correct errors.

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