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Positive And Negative

Band 7+: Today, more people put their personal and private information online, for shopping, and banking. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In recent days, more people are putting their information online for shopping and banking. In this essay, I will explain why I think this is a negative development.

It is a negative development for people to reveal their information online because they cannot take responsibility for controlling their information once it is online. Once personal information is online, the organisations that have this information assume responsibility for it. There is no way for customers to control the information, and it can be very dangerous. For example, in Japan, there was news about a man who works for an organisation stealing information for sale. There are high risks of revealing personal and private information online because once it is online, anyone can access it. Clearly, it is a negative development to put people’s information online.

Another reason why it is a negative development for people to put information online is the higher risk of getting involved with serious criminals. Young people often post their personal information and photos on social media, thereby revealing their detailed identity to the public and making themselves susceptible to serious problems. For example, more young people are being kidnapped all over the world because of the information they have posted online. This trend represents a negative development, as it increases the likelihood of individuals getting involved in dangerous situations.

In conclusion, people putting their information online take risks of getting their information stolen and being identified in detail to being involved with serious criminals. For these reasons, putting peoples’ information online is a negative development.

Word Count: 259

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Overall Band Score

7
(+/- 0.5)
Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.
Grammar Mistakes: N/A
Vocabulary Repetition:
information: 15
online: 10
their: 7
people: 6
negative: 6
development: 5
putting: 3
because: 3
personal: 3
there: 3
getting: 3
involved: 3
serious: 3
being: 3
Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

8
The essay clearly addresses the prompt and presents a well-developed position that directly answers the question. The ideas are relevant, fully extended, and well supported. However, to improve, the essay could benefit from exploring the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

6
The essay is generally easy to follow, and cohesion is used effectively. However, there are some minor lapses in coherence and cohesion, particularly in the transition between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing could be more skillfully managed to enhance the overall structure.

Lexical Resource

7
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary used accurately and appropriately. There is also evidence of natural and sophisticated control of lexical features. To further enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied and complex vocabulary.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

7
A wide range of grammatical structures is used with flexibility and control. Punctuation and grammar are generally used appropriately throughout. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed to improve overall accuracy.

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