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Band 4+: Training 65-year-olds to use computers would be a good way to use government money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,computer technologies are very increasingly over the world.Many individuals believe that computers are so crucial for adult people.However,other people disagree this views,I personally believe that old people should not learn computer skill.In this essay i will present my opinion with reasonable examples.

Firstly,a lot of old people are trying to learn computer program,especially in business,school,and other services,because they need this skill particularly in modern community.From my perspectives,this situation is not true and it is very hard to elderly people as old people have sevaral problem linked health and memory.For instance,they should learn many things in computer field but they have not enough skill for remember this tasks,many elderly people learn computer very difficult,so this situation may create stress and disbelief yourself.Therefore,the government should calculate all sides,because a lot of people live simple lives do not really need computers in their daily routines.

Secondly,face-to-face communication is more important than using digital devices.Moreover,they can rely on younger family member for tasks that require technologies.For examples,they can not do complex tasks because their eyes and hands might very sensitive,so doctor’s usually do not give suggestion using digital devices after at 65 ages but some people do not agree this suggestions because they must provide with much money their family.Finally,it is important to respect personal choice.Not everone is interested in using modern devices,and elderly people should not be forced to adapt to them.

In conclusion,although computer skills can be very useful,i personally believe that it should not be necessary for older people to learn them.

Word Count: 251

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 10

should: 5

learn: 5

computer: 5

believe: 3

elderly: 3

their: 3

using: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt but presents a somewhat unclear position. The main ideas are relevant but lack sufficient development and clarity. There is some repetition. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the reasoning behind your arguments. Ensure a clearer and more consistent stance throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always logical. The introduction could be more focused, clearly stating your position. Transitions between paragraphs and sentences need improvement to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, the connection between the first and second sentences in the introduction is weak. In the body paragraphs, ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one and supports the main point of the paragraph. Consider using clearer topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inaccurate. There are instances of incorrect word choice (e.g., "very increasingly"). To improve, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary relevant to the topic. Try to incorporate synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Review and correct instances of inaccurate word usage to ensure clarity. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. For example, "old people should not learn computer skill" and "they have not enough skill for remember this tasks" contain grammatical errors. Focus on improving your understanding and application of basic grammar rules. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement. Practice writing simple sentences and gradually incorporate more complex structures as your accuracy improves.

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