Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that technology has made our lives more stressful, while others think it has made life easier and more comfortable. 👉 Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It’s often argued that most amount of people believe that technology made our life easier while others think otherwise. In this essay I will discuss both sides and include my own opinions.

On the one hand, some people think that techonology is useful because it makes indivuduals life easier. For example, computer. It’s used by so many people. It gives you so much fun time if you play video games. You can get your work done by using it. Also for most important thing is that you can find many resources online and use them for your life and for school too that you cannot find them any other places. It’s just an online. Another instance is that you can make quick friends from online and meet them in real life because nowadays it is so hard to make a friends in person. It’s also useful for improving your skills depending on what you want to learn.

On the other hand, some people convinced that techonology is not benefial for people because it makes you lazy for the things that you would do by yourself. For example, so many little kids are being addicted to youtube. So they do not even eat their food without watching cartoons. So families are scared that they will be addicted to it. But the more time goes the more they will be addicted to it. Because it seems very fun and joyful for them.

In my opinion, there are pros and cons about techonology. If you use them for good things they will work the best for you. But if you use them for bad things all it will do is to make you lazier person.

Word Count: 282

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

because: 4

techonology: 3

online: 3

things: 3

addicted: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a personal opinion, which fulfills the basic requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is limited. The supporting points are somewhat superficial and lack depth; for instance, the point about making friends online is mentioned but not explored in terms of how it relates to life being 'easier' or 'more comfortable.' Additionally, the second body paragraph focuses heavily on children's addiction to YouTube, which only partially addresses the idea of life becoming 'more complicated and stressful' for the general population. To improve, you should aim to extend your arguments by explaining the 'why' and 'how.' Instead of just stating that technology is used for work, explain how it increases efficiency or comfort. When discussing the negative side, connect the ideas more clearly to the concepts of 'stress' or 'complexity' (e.g., how constant connectivity leads to work-life imbalance). Furthermore, ensure that your examples are more broadly applicable to the prompt to avoid being too narrow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often abrupt. Many sentences are short and disconnected, which prevents a smooth flow of information. To improve, try using a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Consequently,' 'In contrast') and work on linking sentences to show the relationship between ideas rather than just listing them.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'addicted' and 'fun' multiple times). There are also several spelling errors such as 'techonology' and 'indivuduals'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise and academic synonyms. For example, instead of 'good things,' use 'productive purposes,' and instead of 'bad things,' use 'detrimental activities' or 'distractions'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, improper use of articles (e.g., 'make a friends'), and fragmented sentences (e.g., 'For example, computer.'). Additionally, some phrasing is informal or awkward (e.g., 'It's just an online'). Focus on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that every sentence has a clear subject and predicate.

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