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Band 5+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves? You should write at least 250 words. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

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In the world, we have many nations and each of them has different conditions. There are wealthy nations that can provide their citizens in many aspects from their wealth. In other side, there are poorer nations that have opposite condition from the wealthy nation.

With that condition, Wealthy nations are giving help to poorer nations, not just for politic’s reason but also for humanity. Eventhough it is for the sympathy, it will be giving disadvantage for the poorer nations. They will lose their ability to survive and can not be independent. The poor country will be stuck in their poverty and collapse if they just depend on it.

Therefore, it is better for the governments of poorer nations trying to find the solution and make the best decision to fix the problems in their country because they are understand the roots of their problems. Despite let the poorer nations to responsible for its citizens, wealthy nations are allowed to share their wealth to the poorer nations but just as a donation for their important area such as food and education.

In my opinion, if a country can provide healthy food and good education system, that country will become independent and developing further. Because, those are the pondation to start making good quiality of citizens in a country. For example, there are many starving people and not a little amount of children suffering with stunting in Africa. They are lacking of healthy food and makes their life rate decreasing. Nevertheless, education is also important for them to giving values for their life to get a better job in the future. It can be helpful for the citizens to upgrade their life quality and indirectly help the country for growing.

In conclusion, wealthy nations should let the poorer nations to take care of its nation and trying to survive. Then, wealthy nations can only provide in a few crucial areas such as food and education.

Word Count: 323

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

nations: 13

their: 11

poorer: 7

wealthy: 6

country: 6

citizens: 4

there: 3

provide: 3

giving: 3

education: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The response covers both sides of the argument, but the supporting points are not fully extended or well-supported with specific examples. There are some lapses in clarity and precision, and the conclusion is somewhat abrupt. To improve, provide more detailed explanations and concrete examples to strengthen the argument, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear topic sentences.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear referencing. For example, the shift from discussing the disadvantages of aid to the responsibility of poorer nations could be smoother. Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression of arguments is logical and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'wealthy nations', 'poorer nations', 'humanity', 'independent', 'poverty', 'stunting', and 'life quality'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'pondation' (likely meant 'foundation'), 'quiality' (quality), and 'giving values for their life' (should be 'providing value to their lives'). To improve, focus on using precise and natural collocations, and proofread to eliminate spelling errors. Expand your vocabulary to include more sophisticated terms and avoid repetition. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity, such as subject-verb agreement ('they are understand' should be 'they understand'), incorrect prepositions ('responsible for its citizens' is correct but 'let the poorer nations to responsible' is incorrect), and missing articles ('the pondation' should be 'the foundation'). Punctuation is mostly correct but could be improved. To achieve a higher score, work on using a wider variety of structures with greater accuracy, and ensure that grammar is consistently correct throughout.

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Essays On The Same Topic:

Other Topics:

Some people believe that technological development is the only way to solve global environmental problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the popularity of second hand clothing amongst the younger generation.1. Why is this happening? 2. Do you think its a positive or negative development?

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many people believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides.

some people think economic development is more important than protecting the environment, while others believe environmental protection should be the priority. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many students find it harder to study when they are at university or college than when they were at school. Why is this? What can be done to solve the problem?

In many countries , fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages outweight the advantages

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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