Opinion

Band 6+: a big salary is more impostant than job satisfaction. agree or disagree

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Some people claim that high salary is more essential than loving your job. I completely disagree with this idea and believe that job satisfaction plays a crucial role in our lives. Because when you dedicate your life to the profession you are interested in, it may end up with more success and experiencing better mental health in your life span.

In the case when you spend your time focusing on your dream job, you may become an accomplished worker in your field and show better performance. When a person use their energy and time to the work with great passion and responsibility, it stongly affects their results and contributions. Additionally, success that comes from your discipline and curiosity about your profession might yield better salary in the future. Therefore, dedication and passion to your job have a more indespensible impact in your happiness and life span. For example, according to the researches carried out in Turkey in 2019, statistics showed that students that chose their major by themselves and own willingness were more successful in their field and contributed to the increasing number of innovations in their occupation.

The second reason why i disagree with this statement is that when people perform their duties regularly through their entire life, it leads to good mental health and having peaceful mindset for the rest of the time. If people spend long hours on a job they hardly satisfy, it might yield huge amount of stress and disruption of nervous system after a while. Therefore, they start to experience serious health issues, such as the lack of concentration, disruption of sleeping schedule and depressive behaviors. In this case, the amount of money you gain evey month does not matter at all. For instance, Finland researchers emphasized the importance of job satisfaction, because increasing number of people suffering from serious health problems are recorded. They mentioned that 80% of these people complain about their profession and lifestyle.

In conclusion, I strongly maintain that job satisfaction has visible and vital roles in our lives. It can easily affect our achievements and mental statements as well.

Word Count: 350

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

people: 5

health: 4

satisfaction: 3

profession: 3

better: 3

mental: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay clearly addresses the prompt and presents a well-developed position against the statement. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, though some points could be more precisely focused. To improve, ensure that each paragraph directly ties back to the prompt's comparison between salary and job satisfaction, and refine the development of ideas to avoid any lack of precision. Additionally, proofread for minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and there is a clear progression from one point to the next. However, some sentences are overly long and contain multiple clauses, which can make the message harder to follow. For example, the first sentence of the introduction could be split into two for clarity. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive (e.g., 'Therefore', 'In this case'), and some transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Overall, the essay is coherent, but the flow could be improved with more varied linking phrases and more concise sentence structures.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated words such as 'indispensable', 'dedication', 'accomplished', and 'disruption'. There is also evidence of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'job satisfaction', 'mental health', 'nervous system'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'own willingness' (should be 'their own willingness'), 'in your life span' (could be 'throughout your life'), and 'mental statements' (likely meant 'mental state'). Additionally, some word choices are slightly informal or imprecise (e.g., 'hardly satisfy' instead of 'hardly satisfying'). To improve, the writer should focus on using collocations more naturally and ensuring word forms are correct. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences and conditional forms. However, there are several errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, 'When a person use their energy' should be 'When a person uses their energy', and 'it stongly affects' has a spelling error ('strongly'). There are also issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'students that chose their major by themselves and own willingness' should be 'students who chose their major by themselves and of their own willingness'). Punctuation is sometimes incorrect, such as missing commas after introductory phrases. The writer also uses 'i' instead of 'I' in one instance. To improve, the writer should proofread carefully and practice using a wider variety of sentence structures with accurate grammar.

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