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Band 6+: Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

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The image depicts a line graph representing the number of 13-year-old students choosing language options in an English school from 2000 to 2009. French is indicated as follows: 150 (2000), 141 (2001), 130 (2002), 120 (2003), 110 (2004), 100 (2005), 94 (2006), 88 (2007), 81 (2008), 76 (2009). Mandarin is indicated as follows: 5 (2000), 9 (2001), 14 (2002), 20 (2003), 30 (2004), 45 (2005), 61 (2006), 76 (2007), 92 (2008), 105 (2009).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The line graph illustrates the number of secondary students opting two distinct languages – French and Mandarin for learning from 2000 to now.

Overall, while the quantity of Mandarin learners has had an upward trend, the massive decrease was seen in the figure of French. Nevertheless, French still has been chosen more than Mandarin during the period.

First of all, learning French have been shrinked significantly from 2000 to over 2005, it has been fallen by approximately 60 students ; in spite of that, the data of Mandarin has had a reverse. Over the five-year period, Mandarin has rised gradually over 70 learners and has reached the number of 75, as fifteen times as it in the past.

In subsequent years, Mandarin has a marginal fluctuation and has remained stable at 70 optioners between 2006 and nowsaday; whereas, French has still gone down and stayed unchange at the level of over 85 students.

Word Count: 153

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

mandarin: 6

french: 5

students: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main trends in the graph, noting the contrasting trajectories of French and Mandarin. However, there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For example, the report states that Mandarin rose by 'over 70 learners' in the first five years, but the actual increase was 40. Also, the final paragraph contains inaccuracies, such as Mandarin remaining stable at 70 optioners and French staying unchanged at over 85 students. To improve, ensure greater accuracy in reporting the data and avoid vague language like 'nowsaday'. Also, the writing could be more concise.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the flow could be improved. The introduction and overview provide a general sense of the trends, but the body paragraphs contain some abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the initial decline in French learners to the rise in Mandarin learners in the second paragraph could be smoother. The final paragraph also lacks clarity and contains some confusing statements. To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and logical progression of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a mix of basic and more advanced vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and appropriate. For example, phrases like "massive decrease" and "shrinked significantly" are somewhat informal and could be replaced with more academic alternatives. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in word usage, such as "optioners." To enhance lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to describing trends and changes, and pay attention to using words accurately and in the correct context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Common errors include incorrect verb tenses ("learning French have been shrinked"), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are some instances where it could be improved. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Proofreading carefully for errors before submitting your work is also essential.

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Band 6+: Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

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Answers On The Same Topic:

Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

Language options selected by 13-year-old students in a school in England

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