Letter

Band 5+: My old laptop has broken. I remember you told me you purchased a great new laptop a couple of weeks ago. Will you be happy to recommend it? If so, could you please tell me where you got it? Cheers. Richard Email Richard: Describe whether you are happy with your new laptop or not. Tell him where you purchased your new laptop. Suggest to shop for a new laptop with Richard.

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Dear Richard,

I hope you are doing well.

I am so sorry to hear about that your laptop was broken. Somehow, I think may be this is a time for you to change and purchase a new brand.

Last two weeks, I have purchased a great new brand laptop, which is “Dell” modern and it has got good quality. At first, I was a bit strange to interact with a new laptop but later it became user friendly quickly. I was extremely satisfied with the new laptop. I bought it from the “Unique” Laptop sell center at the downtown. The shop has got high rating in selling and both excellent services and qualified laptops are offered. They also provide discount price for those who are University students. That is why, this a good opportunity for those who are studying.

Therefore, I strongly recommend this shop to every University student if you are planning to buy a new laptop. You all will be satisfied with your choice, and more comfortable for your study journey.

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

laptop: 6

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses all the requirements of the task, providing information about the writer's laptop and suggesting a place for Richard to buy a new one. However, the tone is slightly more promotional than personal, and the suggestion to shop together is missing. To improve, focus on maintaining a personal tone throughout the letter and directly suggest going shopping together.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack clear transitions between ideas. Consider using transitional phrases to connect your thoughts more smoothly. For example, you could use phrases like 'In addition to that' or 'Furthermore' to link related ideas. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point to maintain clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance the letter. For example, instead of saying 'it has got good quality,' you could say 'it is of high quality' or 'it boasts excellent quality'. Varying your vocabulary and using more specific terms will make your writing more engaging and effective. Also, avoid informal language such as 'a bit strange'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, the sentence 'I think may be this is a time for you to change and purchase a new brand' is awkwardly phrased and contains unnecessary words. It could be revised to 'I think this might be a good time for you to get a new laptop'. Pay close attention to sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and subject-verb agreement. Proofreading carefully will help you identify and correct these errors.

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