Bar Chart

Band 4+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays a bar chart with three sets of data for IBM, Microsoft, and Apple representing the percentage of men in senior development positions from 1980 to 2010 at five-year intervals. For IBM: 1980 - 30%, 1985 - 20%, 1990 - 37%, 1995 - 47%, 2000 - 49%, 2010 - 25%. For Microsoft: 1980 - 17%, 1985 - 17%, 1990 - 25%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 51%, 2010 - 53%. Apple: 1980 - 32%, 1985 - 40%, 1990 - 18%, 1995 - 20%, 2000 - 12%, 2010 - 60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the propotion engagement of male in senior developement in IBM, Microsoft and Apple from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, IBM has made up majorty in participation of men while Apple has the lowest ratio throughout the period.

At the outset, the percentage participation of men in IBM was only 2% – the minimum number. After five years, there have a dramatical increase, in particular, the senior in IBM peaked at more 63% (31 times as start time).

Conversely, the number of workers in Apple were the highest proportion in 1980 (according to 13%), but in 2010, it had a lowest percentage engagement (1/3 as IBM in the same time). To explain that, from 1985 to 1990 saw a slightly decline and Apple had to spend 5 years later recovering the growth of senior.

Microsoft was the most stable growth. It increased slightly and steadily throughout the period. Getting top 2 in the last period also proved that Microsoft created stable income for employee.

Word Count: 166

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

apple: 4

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Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and misinterpretations of the data. Key points are often inaccurate and irrelevant, detracting from the overall task achievement. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data from the chart and avoid introducing speculative explanations or interpretations not directly supported by the visual information.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the progression of ideas is not always logical. The introduction and overview are present, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. The report would benefit from a more structured approach, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data and using clear transitions to guide the reader. For example, you could dedicate a paragraph to each company, highlighting its trends over the period. Also, avoid introducing external explanations (e.g., 'Microsoft created stable income for employee') as this is not supported by the data.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and sometimes inaccurate. There are instances of imprecise word choice (e.g., 'propotion engagement,' 'majorty,' 'dramatical increase'). The report would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary related to trends and comparisons, such as 'fluctuated,' 'remained constant,' 'outperformed,' and 'lagged behind.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. These include errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'there have a dramatical increase' should be 'there was a dramatic increase,' and 'the senior in IBM peaked at more 63%' is grammatically incorrect. The report would benefit from careful proofreading and editing to correct these errors and improve overall grammatical accuracy. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures correctly to enhance the flow and readability of the report.

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