Bar Chart

Band 5+: The bar chart below shows the proportion of males and females working in 6 sectors in 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the proportion of males and females working in 6 sectors in 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image displays a bar chart titled 'Employment by sector' showing male and female percentage breakdowns. Hospitality: male 40%, female 60%. Engineering: male 60%, female 40%. Education: male 25%, female 75%. Construction: male 85%, female 15%. Agriculture: male 70%, female 30%. Retail: male 45%, female 55%.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of both males and females employment across 6 different sectors (hospitality, engineering, education, construction, agriculture and retail) in the year of 2020.

Overall, the most anticipated section of employment for males is construction, while female employees working the most on education section. On the other hand, the lowest proportion of employment on male’s side is education. Unlike construction section which make up as the least selected sector for females.

In terms of construction, the percentage of employment for males is around 85 percent as opposed to that of around 15 percent for females. Moreover, 60 percent of males are working as an engineer while only 40 percent of females are working on this sector. The proportion of agriculture employment of males is also higher than that in females (about 70 percent and 30 percent respectively).

Female’s employment proportion on education is made up to approximately 75 percent while only around 25 percent of male considered working on this section. The percentage of female’s employment is accounted up to 60 percent on hospitality section and around 55 percent on retail section, whereas for males, only 40 percent and around 45 percent are working on hospitality and retail section respectively.

Word Count: 204

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 12

employment: 7

section: 7

males: 6

working: 5

around: 5

females: 4

education: 4

construction: 4

percentage: 3

while: 3

proportion: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers all the main features of the chart and provides a clear overview of the gender distribution across the sectors. Comparisons are made effectively throughout the text. To improve, ensure that the overview uses more precise academic language; for example, terms like 'anticipated section' are slightly misused in this context, as the chart shows actual employment rather than preferences or expectations. Additionally, refining the grammatical structures in the overview paragraph would enhance the overall flow and clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the cohesion is weakened by several awkward phrasing choices and sentence fragments. For example, the sentence 'Unlike construction section which make up as the least selected sector for females' is an incomplete thought and lacks a main clause. To improve, ensure that every sentence is a complete grammatical unit and use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'In contrast,' 'Conversely,' or 'Regarding...') to link ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and occasionally inaccurate in context. For instance, the word 'anticipated' is used incorrectly in the overview; 'anticipated' refers to something expected in the future, whereas this chart describes data from 2020. Additionally, terms like 'section' are used repeatedly where 'sector' or 'industry' would be more appropriate. Aim to use more precise academic synonyms and ensure that the word choice aligns with the meaning of the data being described. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the flow of information. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'construction section which make up'), incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'employment on male's side'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'is made up to approximately'). There is an attempt to use complex structures, but they are often not executed accurately. Focus on mastering basic sentence structures and the correct use of prepositions and articles to improve clarity.

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