Bar Chart

Band 4+: The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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Image for topic: The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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The image depicts two graphs showing the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12-19 years in the United States, by ethnicity, comparing data from the years 2004 and 2014. In the boys' graph, Non-Hispanic White shows an increase from 12% to 17%; Non-Hispanic Black remains at 20%; Hispanic increases from 19% to 27%. In the girls' graph, Non-Hispanic White increases from 9% to 14%; Non-Hispanic Black also increases from 16% to 29%; Hispanic shows a decrease from 20% to 12%. Each graph has three categories under the heading "Ethnicity," and the data is presented as percentages on the vertical, left-aligned Y-axis ranging from 0 to 30%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The rendered bar graphs presents the occurence of obesity in boys and girls of 12 to 19 aged group, on the basis of ethnicity. It covers the year 2004 and 2014 data of USA.

Overall, irrespective of ethnicity in both the genders increase in obesity percentage is encountered from 2004 to 2014. The hispanic boys and non-hispanic black girls accounting highest figures in there own gender category.

To begin with, dealing genders separately. In the boys bar graph. Each group have a nearly equal leveles of percentage, range from 11% to 13% for year 2004. A massive gap is seen in hispanics between bars of 2004 & 2014 year, also this group is holding highest peak in 2014 with 27%. There is a gradual rise in obesity percentage from non hispanic white 17% for non hispanic white to 27% for hispanic.

Furthermore, analyzing the girls percentage distribution over same 3 groups. The non-hispanic white bar levels are 9% in 2004 and 14% in 2014. While, the most noticable bar outstanding with nearly 29% of non hispanic black category in 2014. In addition, hispanic boys chart and non hispanic black girls chart contributing the maximum digits in their own boundaries.

Word Count: 199

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hispanic: 6

girls: 4

percentage: 4

obesity: 3

group: 3

black: 3

white: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

Your report addresses the task and includes relevant data, but there are some inaccuracies and omissions. For example, you state that obesity increased in all groups, but the visual description indicates that Hispanic girls actually saw a decrease from 20% to 12%. You also omit the Non-Hispanic Black boys' static figure (20%). The overall trend you describe is not entirely accurate. To improve, ensure your summary covers all main features accurately, including any contrasting trends (e.g., decreases), and make more precise comparisons between groups and years. Avoid vague statements (e.g., 'nearly equal levelses') and ensure your data points align with the source. Additionally, pay attention to spelling and grammar (e.g., 'occurence' should be 'occurrence', 'in there own' should be 'in their own').

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a basic organizational structure with an introduction, overview, and separate paragraphs for boys and girls. However, the overall flow is hindered by unclear phrasing and a lack of cohesive devices. For example, the phrase 'dealing genders separately' is awkward, and the sentence 'There is a gradual rise in obesity percentage from non hispanic white 17% for non hispanic white to 27% for hispanic' is confusing due to repetition and unclear progression. The paragraphing is not consistently logical, with some ideas running together. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, use a range of linking words and pronouns (e.g., 'in contrast', 'similarly', 'this group') to connect ideas smoothly, and check that the progression from one point to the next is natural and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource

The report attempts to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'prevalence', 'ethnicity', 'obesity percentage', and 'accounting highest figures'. There is some good use of comparative language (e.g., 'massive gap', 'gradual rise'). However, lexical errors and awkward collocations are present, such as 'occurence' (spelling), 'there in own gender category' instead of 'in their respective gender category', 'levels are 9%' instead of 'stand at 9%', and 'contributing the maximum digits' instead of 'recording the highest figures'. To improve, focus on using precise and natural vocabulary for describing data (e.g., 'experienced an increase', 'remained stable', 'saw a decline') and ensure correct spelling and word choice. Avoid literal translations and aim for more sophisticated expressions (e.g., 'a significant surge' instead of 'massive gap'). Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report shows an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that impede clarity. Subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'bar graphs presents' should be 'bar graphs present'), incorrect prepositions (e.g., 'of 12 to 19 aged group' should be 'aged 12 to 19'), and punctuation problems (e.g., incomplete sentences like 'To begin with, dealing genders separately. In the boys bar graph.') affect accuracy. There are also awkward constructions such as 'for year 2004' instead of 'in 2004'. To improve, focus on writing grammatically correct sentences with proper punctuation (avoid sentence fragments), ensure subject-verb agreement, and use a wider range of complex structures (e.g., 'While the figure for Hispanic boys rose sharply, the data for Hispanic girls declined'). Reviewing common grammar issues and practicing writing clear, accurate sentences will help raise the score.

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Band 4+: The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

Check Your Answer On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample Answer?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Answers On The Same Topic:

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

The bar charts below show the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 years by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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You are given a stacked bar chart that displays quarterly sales by product category. Analyse the sales trends accross different quarters and compare the performance of product categories

Check Your Answer On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample Answer?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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