Bar Chart

Band 5+: The chart below give the number of people employed in five types of work in certain region in Australia in 2001 and 2008

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The image shows the number of people employed in five types of work in a region of Australia for 2001 and 2008; Sales: 2001 around 150,000, 2008 around 160,000; Accounting: 2001 around 50,000, 2008 around 75,000; Computing: 2001 around 20,000, 2008 around 50,000; Nursing: 2001 around 60,000, 2008 around 70,000; Farming: 2001 around 90,000, 2008 around 50,000.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

This chart displays the amount of people employed in five criterias of work in a specific part of Australia between the years 2001 to 2008.

Overall the highest employment job between these years was sales and on the contrary the job with the lowest workforce was farming. Furthermore, the chart illustrates that the three jobs accounting, computing and nursing have a similar number of workers.

From the year 2001 to 2008 the number of people working in sales noticed an approximate increase of 100,000 workers. As for computing and and nursing there was a slight change of new employees it increased by 5,000 to 10,000 members. On the other hand accounting and farming were the only jobs to demonstrate a modest decrease instead of a rise in the people working there.

The percentage of employees hadn’t changed very much in any of the reported jobs with sales having the biggest change and accounting witnessing a close to nothing decrease.

Word Count: 159

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 3

sales: 3

accounting: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies regarding the data trends and values. For instance, the report claims sales increased by 100,000 (whereas the data suggests a much smaller increase) and incorrectly states that accounting experienced a decrease, when the data shows an increase. Additionally, the overview and body paragraphs contain contradictory information regarding which sectors grew or declined. To improve, ensure that every trend mentioned is accurately reflected by the data provided and focus on grouping the categories by their actual movement (increase vs. decrease) rather than making incorrect generalizations.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report follows a logical structure with an introduction, overview, and body paragraphs. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing and imprecise transitions. For instance, the overview makes a claim about farming being the lowest workforce, which may not be supported by the data trends. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and use a wider variety of cohesive devices to link sentences more naturally.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary (e.g., 'witnessing', 'demonstrate', 'modest'), but several word choices are inaccurate or unnatural. For example, 'five criterias of work' is incorrect (criteria is plural; 'categories' or 'sectors' would be better), and 'amount of people' should be 'number of people' as people are countable. Additionally, 'employment job' is redundant. Aim to use more precise collocations and ensure that nouns and adjectives are used in the correct context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a mix of simple and complex structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, preposition usage (e.g., 'between the years 2001 to 2008' should be 'between 2001 and 2008'), and sentence construction (e.g., 'the number of people working in sales noticed an approximate increase' - numbers cannot 'notice' things). Focus on improving accuracy in complex sentence structures and ensuring that the subjects of your sentences are capable of performing the actions described.

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