Bar Chart

Band 4+: The chart below shows changes in the number of international students in Australia in 2019 and 2020

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The image displays a paired bar graph comparing international student counts in Australia for years 2019 and 2020 from various countries: China (2019: 159,000, 2020: 150,000), India (2019: 105,000, 2020: 101,625), Nepal (2019: 51,500, 2020: 50,454), Vietnam (2019: 39,000, 2020: 38,025), Brazil (2019: 28,200, 2020: 23,392), and Malaysia (2019: 18,900, 2020: 18,376). All countries show a decrease in student count from 2019 to 2020.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The following bar graph compares the total number of overseas learners from six countries ( mainly from China,India,Nepal,Vietnam,Brazil and Malaysia) in Australia between 2019 and 2020.

Overall,Chinese students contributed overwhelming majority in both years while Malaysian learners participated the least. Furtheremore,Chinese,Vietnamese and Malaysian students were downward in the following year while the remaining states’ learners were upward. Nevertheless,China’s role was significantly notable amongest the six territories.

Focusing on those countries whose contribution is the largest by means of foreign students in Australia. First,though the proportion of students were drastically reduced from China in 2020(roughly 160,000) compared to the former year 2019 which were approximately 180000, regardless China’s participation was in the top. Regarding India in 2019 it was around 92000 and subsequently it reached in roughly 108000 which was notably remakable.In terms of Nepal,despite the learners were increasing in the following year in a little amount around 4%,it was admirable as a small nation.

On the other hand,Vietnames,Brazilian and Malaysian students’ involvement were comparatively low in both years. Instead of rising learners from Nepal in 2020 compared to 2019 it was just around 1% . The two remaining territories Brazil and Malaysia’s participation were low and at the same time downward which was decreased by arond 1% and 2% respectively.

Word Count: 210

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

learners: 5

students: 4

following: 3

malaysian: 3

which: 3

around: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by describing the bar graph, but it contains several inaccuracies and inconsistencies. The overall trend is misidentified: the report states that Chinese, Vietnamese, and Malaysian students decreased while others increased, but the data shows all countries experienced a decrease. Additionally, specific figures are incorrect (e.g., China's 2019 count is given as approximately 180,000 instead of 159,000, and India's 2019 count as 92,000 instead of 105,000). The report also includes irrelevant or unclear statements (e.g., 'it was admirable as a small nation') and has some grammatical and spelling errors that affect clarity. To improve, focus on accurately summarizing the main trends, ensure all data points are correct, and avoid subjective comments. Organize the information logically, using clear comparisons and precise figures.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs, but the flow is often disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing. The overview is somewhat confusing because it states that Chinese, Vietnamese, and Malaysian students decreased while the remaining countries increased, which contradicts the data (all countries decreased). This inconsistency affects the coherence of the message. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Furtheremore', 'Nevertheless', 'On the other hand' are used inappropriately). To improve, ensure that the overview accurately reflects the main trends, and use a wider range of linking words and phrases correctly to guide the reader smoothly through the description.

Lexical Resource

The report attempts to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'overseas learners', 'contributed overwhelming majority', 'notably remarkable'), but there are several inaccuracies and awkward collocations (e.g., 'were downward', 'states' learners', 'amongest', 'remakable'). The word choice is sometimes informal or imprecise (e.g., 'roughly', 'around' used repeatedly). To improve, use more precise and formal vocabulary, such as 'experienced a decline', 'accounted for the largest proportion', and 'saw a slight increase'. Also, avoid repetition and ensure that terms like 'countries' and 'nationalities' are used correctly.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that significantly affect clarity. There are subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'the proportion of students were', 'learners were increasing'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'were downward', 'reached in'), and missing articles (e.g., 'the following bar graph compares the total number of overseas learners from six countries ( mainly from China,India,Nepal,Vietnam,Brazil and Malaysia)'). Punctuation is often missing after introductory phrases, and there are spelling errors (e.g., 'Furtheremore', 'amongest', 'remakable', 'arond'). To improve, focus on sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and proofreading for spelling and punctuation. Using a variety of complex structures with accuracy will also enhance the grammatical range.

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