Bar Chart

Band 6+: The chart below shows the number of jobs in tourism-related industry in one UK city between 1989 and 2009

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The image is a bar graph displaying data for four categories over five years; 1989, 1994, 1999, 2004, and 2009. Restaurants: 1989 (600), 1994 (800), 1999 (1000), 2004 (1200), 2009 (1400). Hotels: 1989 (400), 1994 (600), 1999 (800), 2004 (1000), 2009 (1200). Sport and leisure: 1989 (800), 1994 (1000), 1999 (1400), 2004 (1600), 2009 (1400). Travel and tour: 1989 (200), 1994 (400), 1999 (600), 2004 (800), 2009 (1000).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar graph indicates the numbers of working industry related with tourism , including restaurants, hotels, sport and leisure ,and travel and tour, in the city of UK between the period of 1989 and 2009.

Overall, it’s clearly see that employment in food services and accomodations accounted for the highest number of jobs throughout the year. Meanwhile, tour industriesis the lowest career among the others.

In 1989, food chain industries rivaled with hotels, with slightly differences in numbers, 1100 and 1050 respectively. After 5 years, the hotel sectors jumped to 1400. In 2004, restaurants reached its peak again. Between 1999 and 2009, the amount of jobs in hotel industries showed a slightly decreased throughout the decades and remain the second place among others.

The number of jobs in sport and leisure showed a fluctuate trend throughout the year, startingg with 900 in 1989 and slightly decreased in 1994. And them ot jumped to 1050 in 1999 and end with the number of 700 after a decade. Travel agencies had a noticable increased in 1994 and then slightly dropped throughout the year.

Word Count: 181

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

throughout: 4

slightly: 4

number: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report provides a general overview of the data but includes some inaccuracies and lacks specific details. The organization is present but could be improved for clarity. To improve, focus on providing more precise data points and ensuring accuracy in describing trends. Also, enhance the structure by grouping similar trends together and using more varied language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the trends and comparisons. For instance, the shift from discussing food chain industries and hotels in 1989 to the hotel sector's jump after 5 years feels disconnected. To enhance coherence, use clearer transition words and phrases to link ideas and ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect or period. Also, avoid introducing new information in the conclusion; instead, summarize the main points.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity and impact. For example, using 'food chain industries' is not as accurate as 'restaurants'. Similarly, 'slightly differences in numbers' could be refined to 'slightly different numbers' or 'a marginal difference'. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to describing trends and comparisons (e.g., 'increased steadily', 'remained stable', 'fluctuated significantly'). Also, pay attention to using the correct form of words (e.g., 'industries' vs. 'industry').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and inaccuracies affect the overall clarity. Common errors include incorrect verb tenses ('industriesis'), subject-verb agreement issues ('the hotel sectors jumped'), and misuse of articles ('the amount of jobs'). Additionally, there are spelling mistakes ('startingg') and awkward phrasing ('noticable increased'). To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on proofreading carefully to identify and correct errors. Practice using a variety of sentence structures and pay attention to the correct usage of verb tenses, articles, and prepositions. Consider using grammar-checking tools to identify and address common mistakes.

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