Bar Chart

Band 6+: the graph below gives the result of a survey showing what 1.000 young people did after leaving school between 2008 and 2012 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparasions where relevant

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The image presents a bar graph detailing the post-school activities of 1,000 young individuals from 2008 to 2012, segmented into three main categories: "Went to university," "Looked for work," and "Took a temporary break from education." In 2008, the respective values were approximately: university - 440, work - 350, break - 210. In 2009: university - 350, work - 450, break - 200. In 2010: university - 400, work - 350, break - 250. In 2011: university - 360, work - 410, break - 230. In 2012: university - 380, work - 370, break - 250.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart gives detailed survey information about what type of the way school graduators chose after leaving the school during the 4-year-peroid, starting from 2008.

Overall, looking for work was the most popular in the both starting and ending year, whereas taking a break from education gained popularity gradually. In addition, despite having an increased figures during the given period, going to a university took the last place as an after school option.

In the initial year, about half of the students chose working, while other half: about 300 went to iniversity, and other 200 took a gap year. Compared to the first year of the survey, the number of students who wanted to be employed decreased by 200, whereas other 2 figures: taking a gap year and studying in a university reached 250 and 350, respectively.

The indicators of 2010 and 2011 were nearly the same for all figures. The most highest chosen one was looking for a job, like first and last year, and the most lowest one was vacational year from study, in both years. Furthermore, around 380 undergraduate students wanted to find an occupation, and others 620 studied in a university and took a gap year, about 300 and 320, respectively.

Word Count: 206

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

about: 4

school: 3

university: 3

students: 3

other: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the bar chart and making some comparisons. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported and some areas where more specific details could be included to enhance the response. To improve, ensure data accuracy by double-checking the values on the graph and provide more precise figures. Also, try to maintain a clearer structure by dedicating separate paragraphs to distinct time periods or trends.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but there are some inconsistencies in paragraphing and flow. The introduction could be more concise, and the overview paragraph is somewhat general. Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall coherence. For example, the shift from the overview to the detailed analysis of specific years feels abrupt. Consider using transitional phrases to link ideas and guide the reader through the information more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, phrases like 'type of the way school graduators chose' and 'increased figures' are not the most natural or accurate. Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using more specific and appropriate terms would enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Consider using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider command of language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Issues such as incorrect verb tense ('looking for work was the most popular in the both starting and ending year'), subject-verb agreement ('other half: about 300 went to iniversity'), and article usage ('the 4-year-peroid') are present. Additionally, sentence structure could be improved to enhance readability. Focus on reviewing and correcting grammatical errors, and practice constructing more complex and varied sentences to improve the overall accuracy and sophistication of your writing.

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