Line Graph

Band 6+: The line graph illustrates the percentage of employed Australian men and women aged between 18 and 34 in 1971 and 2011.

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Image for topic: The line graph illustrates the percentage of employed Australian men and women aged between 18 and 34 in 1971 and 2011.

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The image displays a line graph titled 'The percentage of employed Australian', tracking employment from age 18 to 34 for four groups. Men 1971 employment was 60.00% at age 18, rose to approximately 72.00% by age 22, and settled around 73.00% by age 34. Men 2011 employment was 45.00% at age 18, increased to about 56.00% by age 23, and was approximately 57.00% at age 34. Women 1971 employment was about 43.00% at age 18, declined to 31.00% by age 23, and stayed level at 31.00% through age 34. Women 2011 employment started at 30.00% at age 18 and grew steadily to approximately 35.00% at age 23, 40.00% at age 28, and 52.00% by age 34.

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The line graph presented illustrates the percentage of men and women (aged 18-34) employed in Australia in 1976 and 2011.

Overall, it is clear from the graph that the number of males represented the largest proportion of employment in each of the two years. As they got older, the percentage of women employed became considerably less, while the employment of men increased notably.

In 1976, the percentage of males aged 31 indicated 80%, whereas the males aged 18 represented approximately 56%. However, 2011 witnessed a drammatic decline in the employment compared to previous given period. Specifically, adults (men) aged 33 accounted for only 70%, which is 10% less than in 1976 and 18 year-old people accounted for around 43%, which is also less than previous period.

Turning to the women employment, the line demonstrated the opposite trend. In 1976, females aged 18 represented around 52%, which was the highest trend among women. In addition, their rate decreased as they get older. In 2011 the trend showed almost similar employment rate, only differencing in the interval of 5% to 10%.

Word Count: 179

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

employment: 5

women: 4

percentage: 3

males: 3

represented: 3

which: 3

trend: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task and provides an overall trend, but it contains several inaccuracies and omissions. The years are incorrectly stated as 1976 and 2011 instead of 1971 and 2011, and specific data points (e.g., 80% for men at age 31, 56% at age 18) do not match the visual description. The description of women's employment is vague and lacks precise figures, and the final sentence is unclear. To improve, ensure accurate data is used, clearly compare the two years for both genders, and provide specific percentages for key ages. Also, avoid vague statements and proofread for grammatical errors (e.g., 'drammatic').

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction and an overview, and it uses some cohesive devices. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear, especially in the second paragraph where the description of the 1976 data is followed abruptly by a comparison with 2011. The final paragraph introduces a new trend without a clear link to the previous one. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a range of linking words and referencing to guide the reader smoothly through the data.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary for describing trends (e.g., 'illustrates', 'represented', 'witnessed', 'decline', 'opposite trend'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'drammatic decline' (spelling error), 'the line demonstrated', and 'only differencing in the interval'. To achieve a higher score, use a wider range of precise vocabulary (e.g., 'experienced a significant drop', 'remained stable', 'showed a contrasting pattern') and ensure correct word forms and collocations.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, 'the number of males represented the largest proportion' is awkward, 'drammatic' is misspelled, 'which is 10% less than in 1976 and 18 year-old people accounted for around 43%' is a run-on sentence, and 'only differencing' is incorrect. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, correct use of articles, and sentence boundaries. Also, ensure consistent tense usage and avoid informal phrasing.

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