Line Graph

Band 5+: The line graph illustrates the percentage of employed Australian men and women aged between 18 and 34 in 1971 and 2011.

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Image for topic: The line graph illustrates the percentage of employed Australian men and women aged between 18 and 34 in 1971 and 2011.

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The image displays a line graph titled 'The percentage of employed Australian', tracking employment from age 18 to 34 for four groups. Men 1971 employment was 60.00% at age 18, rose to approximately 72.00% by age 22, and settled around 73.00% by age 34. Men 2011 employment was 45.00% at age 18, increased to about 56.00% by age 23, and was approximately 57.00% at age 34. Women 1971 employment was about 43.00% at age 18, declined to 31.00% by age 23, and stayed level at 31.00% through age 34. Women 2011 employment started at 30.00% at age 18 and grew steadily to approximately 35.00% at age 23, 40.00% at age 28, and 52.00% by age 34.

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The line graph below demonstrates the employment of males and females aged 18 to 34 in Australia from 1976 to 2011.

Overall, the percentage of men hired increased significantly across the age range. While women’s figures followed different patterns, one group showed a steady decline while others steadily before also decline.

In 1976 had the highest employment rate just 55% and increased consistently to around 81 percent by the age of 31. The percentage of men was the lowest in 2011 at 40 percent at the of 18 age however, the figure fluctuated to just over 60 percent in at the age of 34 and the number of grew dramatically to become the second highest percentages of period with nearly 70 % at the age of 34.

Women in 1976 began the recorded period with 50 percent and this figure dropped steadily just below 35 percent at the age of 34. In 2011, the figure began slightly lower at approximately 47%, fluctuated mildly in the early years, and then fell gradually to around 34% by the age of 34.

Word Count: 179

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 5

figure: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains significant inaccuracies and omissions. The overall trend is not clearly presented, and the data for each group is not accurately described. For example, the figures for men in 1976 and 2011 are incorrect, and the description of women's trends is misleading. The report also lacks clear comparisons between the groups. To improve, focus on accurately summarizing the main trends and making relevant comparisons, while ensuring that the data is correctly reported.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction and an overview, but the overview is somewhat unclear and does not accurately summarize the main trends. The body paragraphs are organized by time period, but the progression of ideas within them is sometimes confusing, and the use of cohesive devices is limited. To improve, ensure the overview clearly states the main trends and comparisons, and use a range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the data more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary related to trends (e.g., 'increased consistently', 'dropped steadily', 'fluctuated'), but there are instances of awkward phrasing and word choice (e.g., 'the percentage of men hired', 'the figure began slightly lower', 'the number of grew dramatically'). To improve, aim for more precise and natural vocabulary, and avoid repetition. Use a wider range of synonyms and more sophisticated expressions to describe changes and comparisons.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity (e.g., 'In 1976 had the highest employment rate', 'at the of 18 age', 'the number of grew dramatically'). To improve, focus on sentence construction, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions. Ensure that each sentence is grammatically complete and that punctuation is used correctly to enhance readability.

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