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Band 5+: The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

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Image for topic: The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

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The image displays two pie charts representing causes of patient death in Hospital 1 and Hospital 2. In Hospital 1: Cancer accounts for 23%, HIV 22%, Tuberculosis 20%, Heart attack 17%, Asthma 10%, and Allergy 8%. In Hospital 2: Cancer represents 50%, Tuberculosis 17%, HIV 12%, Kidney failure 12%, and Trauma 9%.

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The given picture demondstrates top casing of deaths in treating of the two hospital and their scale.

Overall, the hospital got the more equal in distribution between the kinds of dease, while the second one has cancer up to a half. Besides, these is a diffirence in number of the deases and there unsimilar scale.

The first agency perform more diversity in treating with 6 kind of sick over just 5 of the second one. The two hospital both have cancer as the top cause of deaths, with 23 persent for the hospital 1 and over two times with the others. Only the first hospital has group of disease that acount for 20 persent and above of the whole survey, with HIV at 22 persent, just higher 2 persent than tiberculo.

For the other group, each of the hospital gets three types of deaths causing. Heart attack of the first hospital takes up to 17%, at the same rates compares to tuberculo of the second groups. Asthma and allergy get 10 and 8 persent inturn, while the two diffirent kinds are kidney failure reachs 12 persent, and that is 9 persent for trauma

Word Count: 193

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hospital: 7

persent: 7

deaths: 3

second: 3

first: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the task, but there are some issues with clarity and accuracy. The organization is present but could be improved. The language contains errors that occasionally impede understanding. To improve, focus on using more precise language, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and structuring the report with clearer topic sentences and transitions.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of information is disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Paragraphing is present but could be used more effectively to group related ideas. To improve coherence, focus on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. Using cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, synonyms) more effectively can also help to link ideas and improve the overall flow of the report.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice ('casing' instead of 'causes,' 'dease' instead of 'diseases'). There is also some awkward phrasing that affects clarity. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to describing data and trends. Pay attention to using synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition. Also, be sure to check the accuracy of your word choices and use a dictionary or thesaurus when needed. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and errors in punctuation. These errors significantly impact the clarity and accuracy of the report. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to using a variety of sentence structures and avoiding common errors. Proofreading carefully for errors in grammar and punctuation is also essential.

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