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Band 5+: The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

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The image displays two pie charts representing causes of patient death in Hospital 1 and Hospital 2. In Hospital 1: Cancer accounts for 23%, HIV 22%, Tuberculosis 20%, Heart attack 17%, Asthma 10%, and Allergy 8%. In Hospital 2: Cancer represents 50%, Tuberculosis 17%, HIV 12%, Kidney failure 12%, and Trauma 9%.

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The chart displays the reasons patient dies in two different hospitals,

In review, it seen that in both hospitals, the highest form of death is caused by cancer, but in different in the lowest death rate. Hospital one had allergy as the lowest death rate while healing centre two had tuberculosis as the least rate.

Cancer in the first clinic had 23% of their clients dying through this medium, following closely is tuberculosis 20%, heart attack 17% and others. Two third of sick individuals were cancerous rating them the highest. Additionally the second clinic reported the same rating but half of their proportion.

The lowest death rate in the first healing centre was seen among people with allergy at 8% while the second hospital had truama a single digit below ten as its minimal rate of sick people. A visible similarity in the two healing centre is that Both HIV and cancer killed people, the sicknesses ranked first and second on the major reasons individuals die.

Word Count: 166

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

death: 4

lowest: 3

healing: 3

centre: 3

first: 3

second: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies the main trends but includes some inaccuracies and generalizations. The writing could be more precise and avoid informal language. To improve, focus on providing specific data from the charts and avoid making broad statements without supporting evidence. Also, ensure that comparisons are accurate and relevant.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of information could be improved. The introduction is too brief and doesn't provide a clear overview. The body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, making it difficult to follow the main points. Transitions between sentences and ideas are weak, leading to a choppy reading experience. For instance, the shift from discussing the highest cause of death to the lowest in the second paragraph is abrupt. Paragraphing needs improvement to group related ideas effectively. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the overall flow.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There is limited use of synonyms or more precise language to describe the data. For example, using 'dies' and 'death rate' repeatedly could be varied with terms like 'mortality' or 'fatality rate.' The phrase 'healing centre' is used instead of 'hospital,' which is unusual and may not be the most appropriate choice. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to health and statistics, and avoid informal or imprecise language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('reasons patient dies'), incorrect preposition use ('different in the lowest death rate'), and awkward phrasing ('Two third of sick individuals were cancerous'). Sentence structure is often simple and lacks complexity. Punctuation errors are also present. To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofreading carefully for errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation is essential.

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Band 5+: The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Answers On The Same Topic:

The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

The pie chart shows the information about the reasons for death of patients in two different hospitals.

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