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Band 5+: The pie charts show the size of classess in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The pie charts show the size of classess in primary schools in four states in Australia in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image presents pie charts showing primary school class sizes in New South Wales, South Australia, Australia Capital Territory, and Western Australia in 2010. In New South Wales, percentages are: under 20 students 33%, 21-25 students 37%, 26-30 students 26%, more than 30 students 4%. In South Australia, under 20 students 28%, 21-25 students 35%, 26-30 students 33%, more than 30 students 4%. Australia Capital Territory shows under 20 students 51%, 21-25 students 38%, 26-30 students 10%, more than 30 students 1%. In Western Australia, under 20 students 42%, 21-25 students 27%, 26-30 students 26%, more than 30 students 5%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided figure contains pie charts displaying the size of classes in primary schools in four Australian states: New South Wales, South Australia, Australia Capital Territory, and Western Australia.

In New South Wales, 37% of primary school classes contain 25-30 students; a slightly smaller percentage of classes contain more than 30 students (33%). In South Australia, a similar trend is apparent; 33% of classes have 25-30 students, and 28% of classes contain more than 30 students. Additionally, the proportion of classes that have 21-25 students and under 20 students in both states are similar, totaling 26% and 4% in New South Wales, and 35% and 4% in South Australia respectively.

Western Australia and the Australian Capital Territory display dramatically different trends. In both regions, a significant percentage of classes have 25-30 students, at 51% in the Australian Capital Territory and 42% in Western Australia. However, the proportion of classes with more than 30 students are significantly disparaged between the two states: 10% in the Australian Capital Territory, and 25% in Western Australia. Interestingly, the percentage of classes with 21-25 students in Western Australian and New South Wales are equal; this trend is also observed between the Australian Capital Territory (38%) and South Australia (35%).

Word Count: 204

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

classes: 9

south: 8

australia: 8

students: 8

australian: 6

capital: 5

territory: 5

wales: 4

western: 4

contain: 3

25-30: 3

percentage: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report struggles significantly with data accuracy, which is a core requirement of Task Achievement. While the structure is appropriate, the student has frequently misread or misattributed the numerical values from the visual description (for example, stating that 33% of classes in New South Wales have more than 30 students, when the data indicates only 4%). Because the comparisons are built upon these incorrect figures, the overview and the main trends reported are misleading. To improve, focus on carefully mapping each percentage to its corresponding category and state before attempting to write the analysis.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is organized into paragraphs, but the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by how data is grouped. While you use cohesive devices like 'Additionally' and 'However', the progression of ideas within paragraphs can feel a bit disjointed because the comparisons do not always follow a clear pattern. To improve, try to group information more logically - for example, by grouping states with similar characteristics together or by focusing on specific class size categories across all states to facilitate smoother comparisons.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice is inaccurate or awkward. For example, the word 'disparaged' is used incorrectly; 'disparate' or 'vastly different' would be more appropriate in this context. Additionally, some phrasing is slightly repetitive. Aim to use a wider variety of synonyms for 'percentage' and 'proportion', and ensure that descriptive adjectives accurately reflect the relationship between the data points. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'the proportion... are' should be 'is') and the use of prepositions. There are also some issues with how data is presented within sentences, which can lead to confusion. Focus on refining your control over complex sentence structures and ensuring that singular/plural agreement is consistent throughout the report.

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