Pie Chart

Band 6+: the pie chat below shows online sales for retail sector in newzealand in 2003 and 2013.

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The image contains two pie charts comparing four retail sectors in New Zealand online sales between 2003 and 2013: in 2003, Travel is at 36%, Film/Music 21%, Books 19%, Clothes 24%; in 2013, Travel is 29%, Film/Music 33%, Books 22%, Clothes 16%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart provides information about the percentage of online shopping industry divided into 4 sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

Overall, travel was the largest category in 2003 whereas film/music became the profitable sector by 2013. On the other hand, the percentage of books and clothes ranged between the two year.

In 2003, travel retail sector held the largest value with 36% and the next decade has dropped steadily to 29%. While, clothes were the second highest category in 2003 from 24% and decreasing to 16% which was the lowest category in 2013. On the other hand film/music began at 21% and has rose to 33%. This retail sector became the dominant one in 2013.

Books were considered the lowest profitable for the shop in 2003, starting at 19% and shows a marginal changed by just 2 percent points, rising to 19% in 2013. The most noticeable change throughout the period was film/music.

Word Count: 156

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

category: 3

film/music: 3

sector: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing an overview and highlighting key trends and changes in the online sales for the four retail sectors. There are some minor inaccuracies (e.g., stating books rose to 19% in 2013 when it should be 22%), and the language could be more precise and varied. To improve, focus on accuracy in data reporting and use a wider range of vocabulary to describe changes and comparisons.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the flow could be improved. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, affecting the overall coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing clothes to film/music in the third paragraph could be smoother. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the logical progression of information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, but there's room for more precision and variety. For example, instead of repeatedly using 'category' or 'sector,' try incorporating synonyms or more specific terms related to retail. Expanding your lexical range will enhance the sophistication of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors that occasionally impede understanding. While a variety of sentence structures are attempted, inaccuracies in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are present. For example, 'has rose' should be 'has risen,' and 'marginal changed' should be 'marginal change.' Focus on proofreading to identify and correct these errors to improve grammatical accuracy.

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