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Band 4+: The table and chart below give information about employment in Australia by age group in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The table and chart below give information about employment in Australia by age group in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image displays two sets of data from Australia, 2011: a table detailing the percentage employed (full-time and part-time) by age group with 15-19 at 59%, 20-24 at 80%, 25-34 at 83%, 35-44 at 83%, 45-54 at 83%, 55-59 at 73%, 60-64 at 17%, and 65+ at 12%; a graph illustrating part-time employment percentages by gender across age groups, showing 15-19 men at approximately 20% and women at about 37%, 20-24 men at approximately 16% and women at about 24%, 25-34 men at approximately 8% and women at about 23%, 35-44 men at approximately 8% and women at about 24%, 45-54 men at approximately 10% and women at about 23%, 55-59 men at approximately 12% and women at about 22%, 60-64 men at approximately 15% and women at about 23%, 65+ men at approximately 5% and women at about 12%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The information about employment in Australia by age group in 2011 are shown by charts.

Overall, it can be evidently observed from the first chart that the highest proportion of employers came from 25-34, 35-44, 45-54 age groups of individuals. And the least proportion employer group was 65+.In terms of proportion of men and women employed for parttime jobs the highest proportion of men and women were came from 15-19 age group and the least percentage of women from 65+ age group and men from 35-44 age group who were engage with parttime job.

Looking at first chart for more details, the highest proportion employers came from the individuals whom age were between 25 to 54. The proportion were also similar which was 83%. Furthermore,

65+ age group of people engaged least proportion at employment Which was 12%. Moreover, 80% of peoples engaged with employment who belong 20-24 age group.

For the remaining details, the highest proportion of employed men and women came from 15-19 age group and the proportion was 25% and 38%. 35-44 age group contained least proportion of employed men which was 7% and the least proportion employed women from 65+ age group the proportion was 4%.

Word Count: 200

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

proportion: 12

group: 9

least: 5

women: 5

highest: 4

employed: 4

employment: 3

35-44: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report addresses the requirements of the task by identifying the main trends and providing some data points. However, there are several issues that affect the overall quality. There is a frequent confusion between 'employers' (people who own businesses) and 'employees' or 'employed individuals' (people who work), which changes the meaning of the data. The structure is somewhat fragmented, with several short, isolated sentences and an incomplete paragraph. To improve, focus on grouping data more logically into cohesive paragraphs and ensure that the relationship between the table and the graph is clearly articulated through comparative language. Additionally, pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and word choice to ensure clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The organization of the report is somewhat logical, but the progression of ideas is hindered by repetitive sentence structures and poor transitions. The use of cohesive devices like 'Furthermore' and 'Moreover' is present, but they do not always connect ideas smoothly. To improve, try to group information more effectively and use a wider variety of linking words to show relationships between data points (e.g., 'In contrast', 'Similarly', 'While'). Avoid starting sentences with 'And' in academic writing.

Lexical Resource

There is a limited range of vocabulary, and several words are used incorrectly, which causes confusion. For example, the term 'employers' is used when 'employees' or 'the employed' was intended; an employer is a person or company that provides jobs, not the person working. Additionally, 'peoples' is used incorrectly (the plural of person in this context is 'people'). Work on learning precise collocations related to data description, such as 'the percentage of people engaged in employment' rather than 'proportion employer group'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impact the readability of the report. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'information... are shown'), tense consistency, and sentence structure (e.g., 'the highest proportion of men and women were came from'). Relative clauses are also used incorrectly (e.g., 'individuals whom age were'). To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct use of relative pronouns (who/whose), and ensuring that your verbs are conjugated correctly according to the subject.

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