Letter

Band 4+: You are organizing a charity fundraising event for a local cause and need to reach out to potential volunteers. Write a letter to a local business or community member asking for their support and assistance with the event. You should include details about: - the purpose and goals of the fundraising event - the different volunteer roles available and how they can contribute - the date, time, and location of the event

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Dear Madam or Sir,

I’m organizing a charity event to raise fund for a new and advanced mall in our small town. Thus, I want your buisness to participate and help us to build this project for our local people.

Furtermore, the impact of building this market will be major and fresh new start for buisness industry and will provide our individuals the food source and item purchase they need. The plan of this project will have every part of ideal market should have, such as playground for children, massive car parking for every kind of machines that will fit in, an entrance with clean and suitable decoration. If you want more explaination come to our event at October 3rd at 6pm in our local meeting park, dress in elegant clothes, because there will be lot of experts and buisness men, maybe you might collaborate with one of them.

Moreover, the event will be about donation or sponsorship to our future plan so I hope to see you work with us as well.

Yours faithfully,

Khulan.

Word Count: 176

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

event: 3

buisness: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter attempts to address the task but includes irrelevant and inappropriate information. The focus on building a 'new and advanced mall' is not typically associated with a charity event, which usually supports a more humanitarian cause. The letter needs to clearly and appropriately address the task by focusing on a charitable cause and detailing how the business's contribution will make a positive impact. The tone should be more persuasive and emphasize the benefits of participating in a charity event.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization is weak, and the purpose of the charity event is unclear. The connection between raising funds and building a 'new and advanced mall' is not immediately apparent, which affects the letter's coherence. The details about the event and how businesses can contribute are present but lack clarity and persuasive detail. To improve, clearly state the charity's mission, provide specific details about the event's purpose, and offer concrete ways businesses can contribute, such as different sponsorship levels or donation amounts.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and lacks the sophistication needed to effectively persuade a business to participate. There are also some spelling errors ('buisness', 'explaination'). To enhance the lexical resource, use more precise and persuasive language related to charity, community impact, and business benefits. For example, instead of 'help us to build this project,' consider 'invest in our community's future.' Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains several grammatical errors that impede understanding. Examples include incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. The sentence structure is also quite simple, limiting the letter's impact. To improve, focus on using a wider range of grammatical structures and ensuring accuracy in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction. Consider revising and proofreading each sentence carefully to eliminate errors.

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