Letter

Band 6+: You have seen this advertisement in your local English language newspaper. Round the world trip - Travel Competition Do you like adventure? Would you like a chance to travel? We need one more person to join a small group on a trip around the world. Write to Mrs Hopkins, the organizer of the trip, telling her: • why you would like to go on the trip • what skills you have which would be useful on the trip • what previous experience you have of travelling (if any). Write your letter of application.

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letter

Dear Mrs Hopkins,

I am writing this letter to participate to the trip around the world which was advertised in the local English language newspaper. I believe that I am a suitable candidate for this trip because I have experienced travelling to several countries with bigger groups before. The reason behind why I would enjoy to attend to this trip is that I am a photographer and I would love to capture every moment of the trip. Free services would be offered to anyone from our group that wants to have memorable photos.

Moreover, I have very good communication skills and I speak plenty languages. Due to this, the others could rely on me when they need help with understanding what the individuals are saying. I hope we could meet and discuss my attendance more. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours sincerely, Alessia

Word Count: 146

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

would: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter addresses all three bullet points required by the task. The candidate explains the motivation (photography), the useful skills (communication and languages), and previous experience (traveling in larger groups). The tone is appropriate for a formal application. To improve and reach a higher band, the candidate could expand slightly more on the 'previous experience' section to provide more depth, and ensure grammatical precision (e.g., 'participate in' instead of 'participate to', and 'speak many languages' instead of 'speak plenty languages'). The letter falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter follows a logical structure and addresses all parts of the prompt. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. The connection between being a photographer and the 'free services' offered is a bit abrupt. To improve, use more sophisticated cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next to create a more seamless reading experience.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is appropriate for the task, but it is somewhat basic and repetitive (e.g., using 'trip' multiple times). There are also some awkward collocations, such as 'participate to' (should be 'participate in') and 'speak plenty languages' (should be 'speak many languages' or 'speak plenty of languages'). Aim to use a wider range of synonyms and more precise academic or professional vocabulary to demonstrate higher-level control.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors that impact the professional tone of the letter. Issues include preposition errors ('participate to', 'attend to'), word order/structure ('The reason behind why I would enjoy to attend'), and missing words ('speak plenty languages'). While the meaning is generally clear, the frequency of these errors prevents a higher score. Focus on mastering prepositional phrases and complex sentence structures to improve accuracy.

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Can you help me? I did badly in my exams last year and I would like to be better prepared this time. Do you have any suggestions on how I can avoid the same thing from happening again? Write back soon, Hannah Write your letter.

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