Discussion

Band 4+: A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

There are various scenarios where it can be noticeable that various humans treat animals differently, some take care of animals in a good manner however other exploited them.

Nowadays, humans are treated animals so badly and it is also noticeable that they are torturing animals into such extent which is quite horrible. And, in many cases, if any animals are not fulfilling their purpose, they either kill them to make money or through them out. For example, in Circus, where we can see animals such as Lion, elephant and so on are performing different activities on stage and there is a trainer who hit them if they are making any wrong move in front of audience. Also, they are not providing them sufficient food and proper shelter. Additionally, when these animals are old they kill them and sell their skin in the market to get good price.

While on other hand, there are peoples who think that animals should have same right so that they can treat them equally. Primarily, it should be everyone responsibilities to treat animal in a proper manner and do not kill them for their any kind benefits. Secondary, government should also arrange good shelter and provide the food and medical facilities for them and make a strict rule to punish humans if they are identifying to do any animal smuggling or doing any kind of wrong activities which will help in reducing the number of such cases in near future.

To conclude this, it is every individual’s responsibilities to good care of animals and government can also monitor it on frequently basis which will help animals to live in a good environment.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

animals: 10

there: 3

humans: 3

treat: 3

which: 3

their: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the topic by discussing both views: the exploitation of animals and the argument for animal rights. However, the response is incomplete as it does not clearly present the opposing view (that humans must employ animals for food and research) in a balanced manner. The position is somewhat discernible but not clearly developed. The main ideas are limited and not sufficiently extended or supported with relevant examples. There is some repetition and a lack of focus, particularly in the first paragraph. To improve, ensure both sides of the argument are fully discussed, provide a clear and consistent opinion, and develop each point with more specific and relevant support. Also, avoid repetition and maintain a clear structure throughout.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear introduction and a conclusion, and it attempts to discuss both views. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear due to inconsistent paragraphing and a lack of logical connectors. For instance, the second paragraph focuses on animal exploitation but does not clearly link back to the first view. The third paragraph introduces the opposing view but lacks a clear topic sentence and cohesive devices. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic, use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'on the contrary'), and maintain a consistent flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with limited range. There are attempts to use some topic-specific words (e.g., 'exploited', 'smuggling'), but they are often used inaccurately or inappropriately. For example, 'torturing animals into such extent' is awkward. To improve, expand your vocabulary with more precise and varied words related to animal rights and human needs, and use them accurately. Avoid repetition and collocations that sound unnatural.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that hinder understanding. These include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'humans are treated animals'), incorrect pronoun use (e.g., 'they either kill them'), and inconsistent tense usage. Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive, with occasional attempts at complex sentences that are flawed. To improve, focus on basic grammar accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement, pronoun reference, and tense consistency. Practice constructing a variety of sentence types and proofread your work to eliminate errors.

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