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Band 4+: "Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?"

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Individuals strongly believe that art and music are important elements of society. Nowadays, in the modern world of AI and technology, it is difficult to say whether art and music still have a place in society, and I do not think they are as important as they were in the past. In my opinion, children should not spend a significant amount of time learning art or music at school, as they should focus more on science subjects.

Art and music was always in our life,even if we don’t notice it. In societies art and music is communicate people with each other through our history , cultur and interest. In the past people danced and enjoyed spending time together. Nowadays one of the main issue among teenerges it is make a new friends. For instance, young people could make friends due to shared interests such as their favorite music style and art collection.

Nowadays life had a major changes as in modern would when we have AI and technology people have completely forgotten about art and music because all AI bots can make an amazing art or music in a minute. One of popular example is AI short video and unrealistic music on social media of course young people can distinguish lies from the truth. However elderly have a problem with new technology.

In conclusion, art and music play a important role for societies.

Word Count: 233

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

music: 10

people: 5

important: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt but only partially. It presents a clear position (art and music are less important now, and children should focus on science), but the development is limited and sometimes unclear. The first body paragraph discusses the social role of art and music, but the connection to the prompt is not fully explored. The second body paragraph introduces AI and technology, but the argument is not well-developed and includes an irrelevant point about elderly people. The conclusion is very brief and does not summarize the main points or restate the position effectively. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is fully explained and supported with relevant examples. Also, directly address both parts of the prompt (the place of art/music in modern world and whether children should spend more time on them) in a balanced way. Avoid irrelevant details and strengthen the conclusion. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted. The first body paragraph shifts from a general statement about art and music to a specific point about teenagers making friends, which could be more smoothly connected. The second body paragraph introduces the impact of AI and technology but does not clearly link back to the main argument about whether art and music still have a place. The conclusion is very brief and does not summarize the main points effectively. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Also, expand the conclusion to reinforce your position and summarize your key arguments.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'fundamental elements', 'modern world of AI and technology', and 'shared interests'. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'art and music is communicate people with each other' and 'one of popular example'. The word 'teenerges' is a misspelling of 'teenagers'. To improve, focus on using more precise and natural collocations, and proofread for spelling errors. Also, try to use more sophisticated vocabulary to express ideas, such as 'integral components' instead of 'important elements'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, subject-verb agreement issues ('Art and music was always in our life'), incorrect use of articles ('a important role'), and awkward sentence structures ('In societies art and music is communicate people with each other through our history , cultur and interest'). There are also punctuation errors, such as missing spaces after commas. To improve, review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practice writing more complex sentences with correct punctuation. Additionally, ensure that each sentence is complete and clearly conveys the intended meaning.

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Band 4+: "Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?"

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

“Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?”

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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