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Band 7+: "Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?"

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Nowadays, art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. In my view, art and music always have a place in today’s modern world of new and developing technology. In addition, children should spend more time learning art and music at school, but they should also spend time learning science subjects for balance.

I believe that in modern society, art and music still have an important place in today’s world of technology. By using modern and new technology, individuals can improve art and music around the world. Although technology has changed how we create and enjoy them, art and music remain essential for expressing emotions, developing creativity, and connecting people. For instance, art and music can help to understand different kinds of cultures and experiences, while technology can support art and music by providing digital drawing tools and online platforms for sharing creative works. Therefore, technology should not replace art and music, but they can work together for the developing.

On the other hand, children should spend time learning art and music at school. These subjects can help develop creativity, imagination, confidence, and self-expression. For example, music can teach children discipline, teamwork, and concentration, while art can help children not only develop imagination but also express their ideas and feelings. Learning art and music can help reduce stress and make school more enjoyable and fascinating. In addition, with these subjects children can learn a lot of useful information about cultures and history. Although subjects such as mathematics and science are important, children need a balanced education that can develop academic and personal skills.

Art and music are considered some of the significant fundamental elements for adults and young generations. I would argue that art and music still have an important place in today’s life and in the world of technology. By spending a lot of time on art and music, children can express their ideas and share creative works.

Word Count: 323

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

music: 15

technology: 7

children: 7

world: 4

should: 4

learning: 4

subjects: 4

place: 3

today's: 3

modern: 3

spend: 3

school: 3

important: 3

develop: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position that art and music remain important in the modern technological world and that children should spend more time learning them, while also advocating for a balanced education. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, such as digital tools and benefits like creativity and teamwork. However, the development of ideas could be more precise and focused; some points are general and could be elaborated further. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and could be strengthened by synthesizing the arguments more effectively. To improve, aim to provide more specific examples and deeper analysis, and ensure each paragraph flows logically with clear topic sentences.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs and logical progression. The introduction presents the writer's position, and each body paragraph addresses one part of the prompt. However, the conclusion is somewhat repetitive and does not fully synthesize the arguments. To improve, ensure the conclusion succinctly restates the main points and provides a final thought. Additionally, use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly, and avoid minor repetition of phrases like 'art and music'.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, such as 'fundamental elements', 'expressing emotions', 'developing creativity', and 'balanced education'. There is some repetition of key terms and phrases, which could be varied for a higher score. To enhance lexical resource, incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions, and ensure precise word choice (e.g., 'for the developing' is awkward; consider 'for development'). Overall, vocabulary is adequate and mostly accurate. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with mostly accurate usage. Sentences are generally well-constructed, and punctuation is correct. There are a few minor errors, such as 'for the developing' and 'can help reduce stress' (which is acceptable but could be 'can help to reduce stress' for formality). To achieve a higher score, aim for more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, and ensure all phrases are idiomatic. Overall, grammar is strong and does not impede understanding.

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