Cause And Solution

Band 5+: Cyberbullying is increasingly common among teenagers. What are the causes and solutions?

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In recent years, social media has become more common, due to this cyberbullying around adolescents increasing. Cyberbullying creates mental health issues such as depression, loss of confidence and thoughts about suicide. This essay will examine problems and propose solutions.

One major problem caused by cyberbullying is mental health issues. There are many anonymous and pessimistic people who scroll videos and write negative comments for young people. Also there is a lot of harmful online content in social media. Nowadays, many teenagers are more sensitive to negative comments and harmful online content, which can adversely affect their mental health. As a result, they get loss of confidence and depression which impact to suicidal thoughts. For example, in USA 15% of adolescents committed suicide because of cyberbullying. In addition, in Ukraine 10% of young people become depressed due to harmful videos on social media.

There are several solutions to alleviate these problems. First, help teenagers who have already encountered this. Parents should pay them psychologists to restore their mental health. Additionally schools need to pay psychologists for students to get alumnus with well-being mental health. Second, the government should increase social media safety. They can do it by improving moderation and removing harmful comments and content more quickly. For instance, 40% of young people in Russia restore their mental health after cyberbullying, thanks to visits to psychologists. Also, in Kazakhstan 55% of teenagers start to develop their social media safety, and it helps them stay with healthy mental wellness.

To sum up, cyberbullying creates a lot of mental health issues, but psychologists and developing safety help them to stay mentally healthy. I believe that this problem will be tackled in the future.

Word Count: 280

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

mental: 8

health: 7

cyberbullying: 6

social: 5

media: 4

people: 4

harmful: 4

their: 4

psychologists: 4

issues: 3

comments: 3

young: 3

content: 3

teenagers: 3

safety: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying specific mental health problems and proposing practical solutions involving parents, schools, and governments. A clear position is maintained throughout the text. However, the development of ideas relies heavily on the use of statistics (which appear somewhat arbitrary) rather than deeper logical explanation. To improve, focus on expanding the reasoning behind why certain solutions work or how specific mechanisms of cyberbullying affect the psyche, rather than just providing numerical examples. Additionally, ensure more precise vocabulary usage (e.g., 'alumnus' is used incorrectly in this context; 'emotional well-being' would be more appropriate) to enhance the sophistication of the argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used, but they occasionally feel repetitive or mechanical. To improve, try using a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next to create a more seamless argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the main ideas, but there is a limited range of sophisticated terms. There are several instances of imprecise word choices, such as 'pay them psychologists' instead of 'provide them with access to psychologists' or 'get alumnus with well-being mental health,' which is unclear. Aim to use more precise collocations and academic vocabulary to describe psychological states and social phenomena. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'impact to'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'due to this cyberbullying around adolescents increasing'). Focus on mastering sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically sound to improve the overall professional tone of the writing.

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