Opinion

Band 4+: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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In modren world, job has become one of the most pivotal part of a person’s life. As, no one can imagine living without a job. Today, a lot of people think that the ultimate success of doing any job is to earn as much as you can. I agree that an inflated salary is a beachmark to consider besides many other aspects, but this concept will take out peace from our lifes.

Many individuals around the world believes that earning a hefty amount of money can satisfy their basic as well as expensive demands which they wish for. For instance, if they earn a handsome salary they will be able to buy any thing of their own choice like: they can purchase their favourite dresses and can enjoy meal at a fancy resturant etc. There many be many reasons behind this thinking of them. But i believe that working hard beyond your capacity will ultimately bring hazardous consequences in our life.

People how do not prioritize their mental peace would definatilly become vulnurable to different sorts of diseases. Considering my prespective, i think we should try to manintain a balance between our work life and daily activites. Individuals make their utmost effort to become finacially independent through earning by leaps and bounds.

In conclusion, I strongly support the idea that we should try to bring peace in our life by shortening the working hours. Although, earning a adquate money is also very important but we should not ignore the peace of our life.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

peace: 4

become: 3

earning: 3

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (disagreeing that money is the most important aspect, while acknowledging its importance). However, the response is incompletely developed: the argument is not fully explored, and specific examples are limited and somewhat vague. The essay also contains repetition of the main idea without substantial progression. To improve, develop a more focused and extended discussion, providing concrete and detailed examples for each point (e.g., specific jobs or situations where non-monetary aspects outweigh salary). Additionally, ensure a clear logical flow from introduction to conclusion, and refine language use for precision and clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is often disrupted by abrupt shifts and unclear connections. For example, the move from arguing that high pay can satisfy desires to warning about health risks is not logically smooth. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes repetitive. To improve, use clear topic sentences, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and link paragraphs with transitions like 'however', 'therefore', or 'in contrast' more effectively.

Lexical Resource

The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary (e.g., 'pivotal', 'hefty', 'vulnerable', 'by leaps and bounds'). However, there are several errors in word choice and spelling that affect clarity, such as 'modren', 'beachmark', 'resturant', 'definatilly', 'prespective', 'finacially', and 'adquate'. Some phrases are awkward or unnatural (e.g., 'take out peace from our lifes', 'working hard beyond your capacity'). Try to use more precise and natural expressions, and proofread to eliminate spelling mistakes. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('job has become' should be 'jobs have become'), article misuse ('a adquate money' should be 'adequate money'), incorrect punctuation (e.g., 'As, no one...' should be 'As no one...'), and verb tense issues. The punctuation errors are pervasive and affect readability. The sentence 'There many be many reasons behind this thinking of them' is grammatically incorrect and confusing. To improve, focus on writing simpler, grammatically correct sentences, and review basic rules for articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation.

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