Opinion

Band 5+: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In many nations, it is mandatory to serve in a military after completing their school. It is believed to be a good initiative where both men and women are of such service for the country. This essay agrees with the statement because it helps in preperation for emergency and teaches discipline.

With the rising conflict among nations and occurance of natural calamities, the country has to deal with unwanted scenarios. These events require individuals to be sensible and follow proper procedures to manage them. However, these are not taught to every citizen and they might panic and make the situation worst. However, serving in the military, tey are expectted to follow proper instructions and are mentally trained to face emergency situations. For instance, in South Korea, it is mandatory to serve in the military due to the long history of war against Japan and possible threats from North Korea.

The development of a nation is highly dependent on the action of every citizen. It is their sense of commitment and hardworking that drives the nation into progress, and that is the reason why every individuals must take ownership and have a good sense or morality. Hence, working in the army and serving the nation, aids in thhe development of such character. It teaches you to live with a code of conduct and behave in a civil manner. For example, in the middle eastern countries like Iran, citizen who are fitted for army serrve a legal minimum of 18 months, during which they become more mature and responsible.

In conclusion, having a law that enforces capable citizens to be in the military service is a good notion as it teaches them code of conduct and helps in dealing with emergency situations.

Word Count: 290

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

military: 4

emergency: 3

teaches: 3

every: 3

citizen: 3

nation: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position agreeing with compulsory military service for both men and women. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples (South Korea and Iran), but the development is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The response could be improved by providing more detailed reasoning and a broader range of examples. Additionally, there are noticeable language errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity, though they do not completely obscure the argument. To achieve a higher score, focus on refining grammar and vocabulary, and ensure each paragraph fully extends and supports the main points.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented logically, and the use of cohesive devices such as 'However' and 'Hence' helps to connect sentences. However, there are some lapses in coherence, particularly in the second body paragraph where the connection between national development and military service could be clearer. The paragraphing is adequate, but the flow could be improved by more explicit linking of ideas within and between paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary that is generally appropriate for the topic, such as 'mandatory', 'calamities', 'sensible', and 'code of conduct'. There are attempts at using less common words, which is good. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'preperation' (spelling), 'occurance' (spelling), 'tey' (typo), 'expectted' (spelling), and 'hardworking' (should be 'hard work'). The word choice is sometimes imprecise, e.g., 'good sense or morality' could be better expressed as 'a strong sense of morality'. Overall, the vocabulary is adequate but not fully flexible or sophisticated.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues ('every individuals must take'), incorrect verb forms ('are of such service' should be 'should serve'), and punctuation problems. There are also several spelling mistakes and typos that detract from the overall accuracy. While some sentences are well-formed, the frequency of errors suggests a need for more careful proofreading and a stronger command of grammar.

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