Opinion

Band 6+: Does advertising kill individuality? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s world advertising plays a huge role in our daily lives. Individuals can see advertisements everywhere: social media, television, pop ups, banners and so on. Some people believe that advertising kills individuality. I partly agree with this opinion because advertising influences people’s choices, but it can not change who they are.

On one hand, advertising can make people think and behave in similar ways. For instance, people from all over the world change their phones annually even if they have fully working ones, especially Iphone users. They can not make their own decision because they have a huge social pressure. As a result of this pressure, people may buy things just because they are popular or celebrities use them. This can reduce their ability to make up their own minds and make individual decisions.

On the other hand, advertising does not have a negative effect on individuality. It can showcase innovative and useful products and services to people. For example, advertisements can help people discover new hobbies, clothing styles or technologies. People can choose what they like and ignore advertisements that do not match their interests.

To conclude, I partly agree that advertising can reduce individuality because it affects people’s decisions and promotes similar lifestyles. However, I Believe that everyone still has the freedom to think independently and make personal choices.

Word Count: 222

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 7

advertising: 6

their: 5

because: 4

advertisements: 3

individuality: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position (partly agree). The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples. However, the development of the second argument could be more detailed, and the conclusion could be more fully developed. To improve, consider expanding on how advertising can also support individuality, and ensure each paragraph fully explores its main idea. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas flow logically, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', 'As a result') is effective. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, and the conclusion could more explicitly restate the main points. Overall, the message is easy to follow, but there is room for more sophisticated paragraph linking.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is appropriate and generally accurate, with some good collocations (e.g., 'social pressure', 'make up their own minds', 'showcase innovative products'). However, the range is somewhat limited, and there is some repetition (e.g., 'advertising', 'people'). To improve, use more varied and precise vocabulary, such as 'consumerism', 'conformity', 'autonomy', and 'persuasive marketing'. Also, avoid informal phrasing like 'huge role' and 'huge social pressure' by using more formal alternatives like 'significant role' and 'considerable social pressure'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional forms. Grammar is mostly accurate, with only minor errors (e.g., 'it can not' should be 'it cannot', 'I Believe' should be 'I believe'). Punctuation is used correctly. To achieve a higher score, aim for more varied sentence openings and ensure consistent accuracy in minor details. The overall control is good, but there is room for more sophisticated grammatical constructions.

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Lexical Resource

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