Opinion

Band 4+: Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to the babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

These days ,building a family need a realastic plan between the husband and his wife especialy when we talk about the children.So,some people think that women are responsible on their childs until they became adultes,While others belive that wifes have the right to decide having babies no matter they take care of them or not while growing up.This essays will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion.

IN one hand,as a mother she should take care of her childs .It is a human being feeling that moms love educating and teaching them because this kid has came from her ,so it is part of her body .For example the lastes reasarch found that 95% of homeless moms take their babies with them and this shows how strong they are even in difficult moment in life they will not forgive them.

On the other hand ,the mother role does not exist in bringing the children up due to her work,shopingand home tasks.To illustrate,the pant must dived the tasks on their children by switching work time for example father wiil ork at night and take care of children in the mourning while the mother do theopposite this make it more easier and comfartibale for them.

In addition the women rights are in increasing before any time ago.That makes them demand the equality.For instance ,in europe the father must take his child outdoors and teach him how to servive in hard time ,however the mom must learn and help him in his lessons and tasks in school.This proves clearly that european teenagers have a strong relation with their parents while It is the hard period in his life.Otherwise,selecting only mothers to teach their children the source and activities in life from how to walk to talking .This thiking is unnatural because the family had biult by two parteners and we should keep it even when kids come to life. Even in science the kid nedd love and helping from both parents for example if the kid grow only with his mom , he trate his father like stranger.

In conclusion,after analysis of both point view,I believe that both parents are responsible bringing the kids up and it is not for only womens.After all he is our heart and he will stay forever a part made from us.

Word Count: 386

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

children: 4

while: 3

mother: 3

example: 3

father: 3

parents: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a clear position in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity in places. The main ideas are relevant but not fully extended or supported with well-developed examples. There are also issues with coherence and cohesion, as the organization is somewhat unclear and transitions are abrupt. To improve, focus on developing each point with more specific examples and logical reasoning, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Additionally, work on grammar and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is often disrupted by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'IN one hand' instead of 'On the one hand'). Paragraphing is attempted but not consistently logical, and some ideas are not fully developed or connected. To improve, focus on using a range of linking words accurately, ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic, and developing ideas with clear examples and explanations.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at less common words (e.g., 'realastic', 'especialy', 'adultes', 'servive') that are often misspelled or used incorrectly. There is some repetition (e.g., 'children', 'mother', 'father') and a lack of precise, topic-specific vocabulary. To improve, expand your vocabulary related to family roles and responsibilities, use synonyms to avoid repetition, and ensure correct spelling and word choice. For example, use 'realistic', 'especially', 'adults', 'survive', and 'responsibility'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'building a family need'), incorrect verb tenses (e.g., 'will ork' instead of 'will work'), and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas, run-on sentences). There is some variety in sentence structures, but errors often obscure meaning. To improve, practice using a wider range of complex structures accurately, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, and proofread for punctuation and spelling. For example, correct 'This essays will discuss' to 'This essay will discuss' and 'the kid nedd love' to 'the kid needs love'.

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