Positive And Negative

Band 6+: For some people shopping is not just about buying what is necessary but a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and examples from your experience.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

These days, humans are purchasing not only to buy essential things but also to enjoy themselves. In my mind, this is a positive development if people are able to control their spending.

On the one hand, it could be a good form of entertainment. People could walk with their friends or loved ones by checking the stores, marketplaces and discovering new products that they have never experienced. Furthermore, some individuals stroll in bazaars with intent of relieving stress and relaxing. For instance, i sometimes going out with my friends to the mall where we just walking looking for clothes

Nevertheless, shopping for fun can have some negative occurrences too. Thus, the principal disadvantage might be wasting money for unnecessary stuff. Some people acquire things they do not really need since they want to please themselves. If it becomes a habit or addiction, it can result in financial problems. Another incentive for buying unnecessary products might be discounts or advertisements that inspire people to buy them. Personally, I sometimes want to buy clothes just because they look attractive and useful, even when I don’t need them. That could be a clear example.

To sum up ,I believe that as a form of entertainment it is a positive evolution as it helps humans to spend quality time with their friends or family as well to release stress and to relax. Nonetheless,they should manage their consumption and exclude getting gratuitous goods.

Word Count: 238

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 4

their: 4

could: 3

friends: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The positive aspect is supported with a relevant example, but the negative side is not fully explored, and the conclusion is not entirely consistent with the body. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, develop ideas with more specific examples and explanations, and maintain a consistent stance throughout. Also, pay attention to grammar and punctuation for clarity. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are presented in a logical order, and there is a clear attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'Nevertheless', 'To sum up'). However, some transitions are abrupt, and the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the shift from the positive aspect to the negative aspect is clear, but the link between the examples and the main point could be strengthened. Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic with supporting sentences that flow naturally.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'essential things', 'form of entertainment', 'relieving stress', 'financial problems', 'gratuitous goods'). There are some good attempts at less common words (e.g., 'occurrences', 'incentive', 'evolution'). However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'walk with their friends', 'stroll in bazaars with intent of', 'exclude getting gratuitous goods'). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural collocations, and ensure word choice is appropriate for the context. Expand your vocabulary to include more sophisticated terms related to consumer behavior and entertainment. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'i sometimes going out' (missing auxiliary verb), 'we just walking' (missing auxiliary verb), 'Another incentive for buying unnecessary products might be discounts or advertisements that inspire people to buy them' (this is correct, but the previous sentence 'Some people acquire things they do not really need since they want to please themselves' is fine). There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., 'To sum up ,I' has a space before the comma, and 'Nonetheless,they' lacks a space). To improve, review verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation rules. Practice writing sentences with a variety of structures, ensuring they are grammatically accurate.

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