Opinion

Band 4+: Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health.

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i agree with this idea beacuse children have to learn important informations if they watch a lot of tv and play video games they focus education.

Firstly,this problem will be cause adhd and family problems.Parents should be give limit their children for tv and video games.Also children will be have growing problems because they can watch tv all the days even though they don’t eat meal but they generally eat fastfood while watching tv or playing games.

Secondly,Children exposure bad thing on internet and it’ll be make problem.In addition they can be associal and this can be effect their school and work life as well as they can’t demonstrate their presentation.They will be saw things are they shouldn’t see,they can be exposure other people’s bullying people,they can be scamed.

For Example,I have a brother and i check his activities on his device.I set up a software on his tablet and this software has a artifical intelligence connected from my computer so if he try to acces bad websites or downloading bad app this local artifical intelligence can’t give permisson for him.His network band passes through my computer.He can’t connect internet directly.Essentially I take some precaution for my brother.This is only for health.

In conclusion,children can’t live without technology but their parents should be keep track for their health.Most parents don’t care technology effect but most of them regret it.Children can’t realize problems but we can so we should always keep away children to dangerous

Word Count: 244

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 5

can't: 5

children: 4

should: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a clear position that TV and video games are not beneficial for children's mental health. However, the development is limited and lacks clarity in places. The main ideas are relevant but not sufficiently extended or supported with concrete examples or evidence. There are also issues with coherence and cohesion, as the essay jumps between points without clear transitions. To improve, focus on developing each idea with specific explanations and examples, and ensure a logical flow between paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the flow is often disrupted by abrupt transitions and unclear connections between ideas. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate, making the message difficult to follow. To improve, focus on linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly, using a range of discourse markers, and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with some inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'informations', 'associal', 'scamed'). There is an attempt to use more complex terms (e.g., 'artificial intelligence'), but these are not always used accurately. To improve, expand your range of vocabulary, use precise and natural collocations, and avoid direct translation from your first language. Practice using synonyms and more formal expressions. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, missing articles, and punctuation issues. These errors significantly hinder comprehension. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice writing sentences with correct tense and agreement, and proofread your work carefully. Focus on constructing clear and accurate sentences before attempting more complex structures.

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