Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

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Medical services are an essential aspect of life for everyone. Private medical services are known to be unaffordable costs for many people. Although this issue has some disadvantages, there are several advantages that I will discuss below.

Regarding the drawbacks, private health care companies may be absorbed in the pursuit of profit. Patients may be prescribed dozens of unnecessary medications to boost hospital revenue, leading to a waste of medical resources. This circumstance leads many patients to pay more, result in a significant financial burden on their families. In addition, paramedics tend to work in private hospitals rather than public hospitals due to the better pay. This shift causes a lack of medical workers in government-funded hospitals, leading to a problem known as understaffed. This may force patients to choose private hospitals and impose greater financial burden on them. To make matters worse, people who cannot afford private hospitals are not able to access proper services due to lack of employees.

Conversely, the presence of private hospitals helps patients to have better options to choose doctors specialist and specific treatments. These greater choices and flexibility help patients to consider the opinion from each doctor based on their specialization. For example, individual with complication illness can be treated by multiple doctors. Furthermore, higher cashflow leads to better services and facilities. The improvement in facilities and services can enhance the recovery process due to the patient’s comfort. This situation is beneficial for those who are capable to affording private hospitals.

Word Count: 248

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

private: 7

hospitals: 7

services: 5

patients: 5

medical: 4

better: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas regarding the profit motive and the 'brain drain' from public to private sectors are well-developed and relevant. The advantages, such as specialization and better facilities, are also logically presented. However, the essay lacks a formal conclusion, which is essential for a complete response and to reinforce the overall position. To improve, ensure that every essay includes a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points. Additionally, while the ideas are strong, some grammatical precision regarding word forms (e.g., 'understaffed' vs 'understaffing' or 'complication illness' vs 'complicated illnesses') would help elevate the clarity and sophistication of the writing. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear structure: an introduction, a paragraph on disadvantages, and a paragraph on advantages. You use transition signals like 'Regarding the drawbacks', 'In addition', 'Conversely', and 'Furthermore' effectively to guide the reader. However, to reach a higher band, ensure that the connection between ideas within sentences is smoother. For instance, the transition between the lack of staff in public hospitals and the inability of poor people to access services could be more explicitly linked to show a direct cause-and-effect chain.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'financial burden', 'government-funded', 'specialization', and 'medical resources'. There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'absorbed in the pursuit of profit' is okay, but 'driven by the pursuit of profit' is more natural; 'complication illness' should be 'complicated illnesses'). Aim to use more precise academic collocations to enhance the sophistication of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there are several grammatical inaccuracies that occasionally hinder the flow. Examples include: 'result in a significant financial burden' (should be 'resulting in'), 'doctors specialist' (should be 'specialist doctors'), 'individual with complication illness' (should be 'individuals with complicated illnesses'), and 'capable to affording' (should be 'capable of affording'). Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, noun plurality, and the correct use of gerunds after prepositions.

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Band 6+: health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

health service are a basic necesitty however private companies have made then quite costly for ordinary individuals. do the advantages of private health care outhweight the disadvantage.

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Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

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Task Response

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