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Band 6+: In many countries, professional sports have become highly commercialized. Why has this trend occurred? What are the effects of this on both the athletes and the spectators?

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Professional sports have been greatly exploited for financial benefits in many nations. This essay will explain the driving reason on this trend and it will also discuss the effects on both players and audience.

There are several reasons why a recreational game was transformed into a multi-billion global entertainment industry. Firstly, media companies pay a massive fee to secure an exclusive live footage of a sport. Being a sole media for a specific sport coverage allows them to monopolize spectators to watch their channel. Avid sports fan often times pay channel subscriptions no matter the cost just to watch a live game. Secondly, a team of players are a brand name plastered for merchandising. Due to the sport broadcasted worldwide, it opened opportunities for advertisement. Professional teams generate high revenues through official clothes, gears and liscensing.

Sport marketing has been beneficial to professional players. One positive effect this brings is improved team funding. With the increased revenue, it offers professionl athletes life-changing salaries while further developing their facilities and upgrade technology. Yet this has an implication to small and starting teams where a wealthy franchise overshadows them with high-end facilities for training, making it difficult to compete. Furthermore, streaming of live sports crossed international borders, allowing citizens from various country to enjoy the game.

In conclusion, the marketing of sports was mainly due to broadcasting rights and opportunities for brand advertisement. While the monetization of sports became a great source for team funding, it became a challenge for lesser known team to compete against wealthy a team.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sports: 5

professional: 3

players: 3

sport: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt: it explains why professional sports have become commercialized and discusses effects on athletes and spectators. A clear position is presented, and relevant ideas are included, such as broadcasting rights and merchandising. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited; for example, the effects on athletes are partially covered, but the impact on spectators is mentioned only briefly (international streaming) without sufficient exploration. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in language (e.g., 'liscensing', 'professionl') and some repetitive phrasing. To improve, expand on each effect with more specific examples and clarify how commercialization affects spectators in more depth. Ensure all points are fully supported and refine the conclusion to summarize effects more explicitly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes uneven, and the connection between the second body paragraph's discussion of positive effects and the brief mention of negative implications and spectators is abrupt. The paragraphing is functional but could be more skillfully managed to enhance the flow. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on positive effects for athletes and one on negative effects for athletes and spectators. This would create a more coherent and balanced response.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as 'commercialized', 'monopolize', 'subscriptions', 'merchandising', and 'revenues'. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing, e.g., 'driving reason on this trend', 'a team of players are a brand name plastered', and 'liscensing' (spelling error). To achieve a higher score, use more precise and natural collocations, and avoid informal expressions like 'no matter the cost' in an academic essay. Also, proofread to eliminate spelling and word form errors, such as 'professionl' and 'overshadows them with high-end facilities'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward structures that affect clarity. Examples include: 'This essay will explain the driving reason on this trend' (should be 'reasons for this trend'), 'allows them to monopolize spectators to watch their channel' (awkward and unclear), 'Avid sports fan often times pay' (subject-verb agreement), 'a team of players are' (singular/plural agreement), and 'it offers professionl athletes life-changing salaries while further developing their facilities and upgrade technology' (parallel structure). There are also punctuation issues, such as missing commas after introductory phrases. To improve, focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Additionally, vary sentence structures to demonstrate more flexibility, and carefully proofread for errors. This will enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

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