Cause And Solution

Band 6+: In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

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Nowadays, many children are spending a huge amount of time on digital gadgets instead of involved in outdoor activities because it is convenient to be entertained by using modern devices; however, in order to solve this problem parents should teach their pupils about the importance of outdoor activities.

Primarily, the most significant reason for this trend is that young people can enjoy various kinds of online engagement. Digital devices – connected to the internect – give access to variety of digital activities like games, movies, and videos; these type of content are very attractive to young individuals. Furthermore, children are introduced to mobile phones by their family members at a very small age . For instance, many Nepalese kid, studying in primary schools, spend long hours playing online games instead of physical sports; as a result, there are only few kids in playgrounds. Hence, popularity of outdoor activities is decreasing.

However, to solve the problems caused by this trend, academic institutions should include complusory outdoor activities in their curricula. If children are forced to perform physical task, it directly reduces the number of hours spend in front of a screen. For example, Chinese students, between 5 to 15 age, are taken to farm to learn about farming techniques; as a result, they are spending less time in the digital world. Therefore, changes in academic curricula can directly help young individuals to engage with outside world.

In conclusion, despite the fact that captivating content is one of the prominient cause for the popularity of this trend, updated syllabus in the schooling syllabus can directly promote outside activities and reduce the screen time of young people.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

activities: 5

digital: 4

outdoor: 4

young: 4

children: 3

their: 3

trend: 3

directly: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by identifying causes (the attractiveness of digital content and early exposure to devices) and proposing a solution (incorporating outdoor activities into school curricula). A clear position is maintained throughout the response. To improve the score, the development of ideas could be more thorough. For instance, the first body paragraph mentions early exposure by family members but does not fully explain how this contributes to the trend or how it connects to the lack of outdoor play. Additionally, ensuring more precise vocabulary and grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'at a very small age' instead of 'at a very young age', and 'between the ages of 5 and 15' instead of 'between 5 to 15 age') would enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing causes and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used somewhat repetitively (e.g., 'as a result'), and the transition between the cause and the solution could be more sophisticated. To improve, try to use a wider variety of linking words and ensure that each sentence flows naturally into the next to avoid a 'choppy' feel.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate to convey the message, and there is an attempt to use topic-specific terms like 'digital gadgets' and 'academic curricula.' However, there are several errors in word choice and formation (e.g., 'involved in' instead of 'engaging in', 'Nepalese kid' instead of 'kids', 'prominient cause'). There is also some repetition of words like 'activities' and 'digital'. Aim to use more precise synonyms and pay closer attention to noun-number agreement to enhance the sophistication of your writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('these type of content are'), incorrect preposition usage, spelling errors ('complusory', 'internect'), and awkward phrasing ('between 5 to 15 age'). To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules such as pluralization, verb tenses, and article usage. Practicing sentence variety while ensuring accuracy will help raise this score.

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Band 6+: In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

In many countries, teenagers are spending less time doing physical activities and more time using digital devices. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can be suggested to address it?

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