Positive And Negative

Band 6+: In many countries, young people are spending less time with their families and more time with friends or online. Why is this happening? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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For recent years, youngsters have been spending less time with their relatives; more time with their friends and digital tools. This trend become increasingly poplar due to technological advancements and changing lifestyles. While, it offers some benefits. I believe it is largely a negative development because it can weaken family relationship and reduce emotional support.

To begin, there are several reasons why this is happening. The major factor is the common use of internet and social media. Online platforms allow individuals to communicate with people from different part of the world, making virtual interactions more attractive than family conversations. Another reason is the busy lifestyle and modern society. Many students and young professionals spend long hours studying or working, leaving them limited time to interact with family members. As a result, they often choose to spend their free time with friends who share similar interests.

This trend can bring certain advantages. Spending time with friends helps young people develop communication and teamwork skills. In addition, online communities provide opportunities to exchange ideas, gain knowledge, and connect with people who have similar hobbies and goals. For instance, according to survey of BBC – British broadcasting corporation, in UK many individuals join online study groups where can learn from others and improve their academic performance.

However, I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. Family member plays a crucial role in providing emotional support, guidance, and sense of belonging. When young people spend less time with their families, family bonds may gradually weaken. Furthermore, excessive involvement in online communities can lead to social isolation and even addiction to digital devices. For instance, in Japan, excessive use of online platforms has had a detrimental impact students’ studies and overall health.

To conclude, this trend is primarily caused by technological advancements and busy lifestyles. While it offers certain social benefits, I believe it is a negative development because it can weaken family relationships and create various personal problems.

Word Count: 323

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 6

their: 5

online: 5

people: 4

friends: 3

trend: 3

benefits: 3

believe: 3

weaken: 3

social: 3

young: 3

spend: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. You have clearly identified the causes (technology and busy lifestyles) and provided a well-reasoned opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. The position is consistent throughout the response. To improve and reach a higher band, focus on enhancing grammatical precision - specifically subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'family member plays' should be 'family members play') and article usage. Additionally, while your examples are relevant, ensuring they are integrated more smoothly into the logical flow of the paragraph would strengthen the overall cohesion.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear progression of ideas. You have used paragraphing effectively to separate the causes, the benefits, and the drawbacks. However, there are some issues with cohesive devices. For example, starting a sentence with 'While, it offers some benefits' is grammatically incorrect and disrupts the flow. Ensure that subordinating conjunctions like 'while' are used to connect clauses within a single sentence rather than starting a new sentence alone. Additionally, some transitions could be smoother to ensure the message is followed effortlessly.

Lexical Resource

You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'technological advancements,' 'detrimental impact,' and 'social isolation.' To reach a higher band, aim for more precision and variety. There are minor errors in word choice and form (e.g., 'poplar' instead of 'popular', 'different part' instead of 'different parts'). Using more sophisticated collocations and ensuring correct noun-number agreement will enhance the natural feel of your writing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which is good. However, there are frequent small errors that prevent a higher score. These include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'This trend become' should be 'has become'; 'Family member plays' should be 'Family members play'), article usage (e.g., 'use of internet' should be 'the use of the internet'), and prepositional errors. Focus on mastering basic grammar rules regarding singular/plural nouns and verb tenses to ensure your grammatical control is more consistent.

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