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Band 5+: In many nations, children are increasingly involved in competitive sports at very young ages. Why do parents push their children into such intensive competition? Is this a positive development for the child's overall growth?

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In the new century, Many activities have rised such as sports like football and basketball with also individual sports like boxing and martial arts. It is so healthy and well for kids espicially under 10 years old, because it increases his sportmanship at a very young age and much more important , it inhaces his strength and energy which will make him grow with a natural body and an extraordinary health compared to others that don’t do sport.

I understand that many parent worries for their kids from injuries and massive eternal body issues, for example there is kids that get injured during a football match in the ankle and they may not walk again or practice at any sport they wish, which might lead them to depression and a terrible mental problems because they lost hope in everything.There was one day an official match for U15 in my city, and i was watching from the stands and suddenly an unsteady goal bar droped on the head of the keeper and make him creeple forever.And that’s why some parents worry more than others for their kid’s lives.In the other hand, many others encourage their children to do some competitive sport to make their life easier in the future more than other kids to build their confidence and to have a clear view for life from now on, and that’s actually the best way to live, and competitve sports usually open doors for them to join better competitions and travel around the world and see others perspective about almost everything. As long as they practice regularly and improve more and more day by day, the chances to join a better club or team for any sports is higher than the people that starts from 13 to 17 years old.

So, as we see sports are very important for young lads and it helps them live a healthy life full of joy most of the time, and that’s why i think it’s better to start early without wasting to much time because the life runs fast.

Word Count: 344

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sports: 5

their: 5

others: 4

because: 3

that's: 3

better: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons for parental involvement in competitive sports and offering a position on its impact, but the development is limited and lacks clarity. The response is somewhat repetitive and contains irrelevant details (e.g., the anecdote about the goal bar). To improve, structure the essay with clear paragraphs for each part of the question, develop ideas with specific examples and logical support, and ensure a consistent, focused argument. Also, proofread for grammatical errors and word choice to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of sports to the risks of injury is not smoothly introduced. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'In the other hand' instead of 'On the other hand'). Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively managed to separate distinct ideas. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and use a range of linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, including some less common words like 'sportsmanship', 'extraordinary', and 'perspective'. However, there are several inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that affect clarity, such as 'rised' (should be 'risen'), 'espicially' (should be 'especially'), 'inhaces' (should be 'enhances'), 'creeple' (should be 'cripple'), and 'eternal body issues' (likely intended as 'permanent physical issues'). The register is informal in places (e.g., 'kids' instead of 'children', 'lads'). To improve, focus on using precise and appropriate vocabulary, and proofread to eliminate spelling errors. Aim for more natural collocations and a more formal tone throughout.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a variety of sentence structures, but there are numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. These include subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'many parent worries' should be 'many parents worry'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'rised' should be 'risen'), and missing articles (e.g., 'a very young age' is used correctly, but 'an official match' is fine, but 'the keeper' is used without prior reference). There are also run-on sentences and comma splices (e.g., 'And that's why some parents worry more than others for their kid's lives.'). Punctuation is often incorrect, with missing commas and periods. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence boundaries. Practice writing shorter, clearer sentences and proofread carefully to correct errors.

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