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Band 5+: In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many countries around the world are advancing in medical care. This has increased life expectancy and reduced death rate. Some people assert that having older people in a society offers a wealth of benefits, while some others believe that older people require more medical care and support. This essay will cover both the perspectives.

On the one hand, there is a significant improvement in people’s life expectancy. This is mainly due to the advancement in the medicine field. Due to this, having more older people in the society, which is beneficial for a society in many ways, such as elderly people in offices are providing young employees with many useful skills and advice. Besides, older people may take an effective part in volunteer work to help needy people, becoming a responsible citizen. Despite this, older people also support a family system, which allows the grandchildren to spend time with their grandparents, learning numerous skills and gaining knowledge. For example, if the older people die soon due to poor medical care, their grandchildren will not be able to spend time with them and learn useful skills.

On the other hand, having older people in the society becomes a burden for the government, as after retirement, elderly people have to be given a specific amount as pension. As a result, the government has an extra burden of older people without their work. Moreover, older people also require medical care and support which is expensive.

Word Count: 243

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 13

older: 9

medical: 4

society: 4

having: 3

support: 3

which: 3

their: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of increasing life expectancy, and it presents a position, though it is not explicitly stated. The ideas are relevant and supported with some examples, but the development is somewhat limited and lacks depth. To improve, ensure a clear opinion is stated in the introduction and conclusion, and expand on the points with more specific examples and analysis. Additionally, avoid informal language and minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the conclusion is incomplete and does not provide a clear opinion as required by the task. The ideas are presented in a logical order, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand') and the connection between sentences could be smoother. The paragraphing is adequate, but the second body paragraph is underdeveloped and lacks a clear topic sentence. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, use a wider range of linking words and phrases, and provide a complete conclusion that summarizes the main points and states your opinion.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'life expectancy', 'medical care', 'pension', 'volunteer work'), but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings (e.g., 'advancement in the medicine field', 'providing young employees with many useful skills', 'becoming a responsible citizen'). The vocabulary is not always precise, and some expressions are informal or repetitive. To improve, use more precise and varied vocabulary, avoid awkward collocations, and ensure that word choices are appropriate for an academic context. For example, instead of 'older people in offices are providing young employees with many useful skills', consider 'experienced older employees can mentor younger colleagues and pass on valuable skills'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward structures that affect clarity. For example, 'This has increased life expectancy and reduced death rate' should be 'This has increased life expectancy and reduced the death rate'. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure (e.g., 'Due to this, having more older people in the society, which is beneficial for a society in many ways' is a fragment). The range of grammatical structures is limited, with many simple sentences and some run-ons. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, ensure subject-verb agreement, and proofread for common errors such as missing articles and incorrect prepositions. Practicing complex sentences with subordinate clauses will also enhance grammatical range.

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Band 5+: In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

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In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

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In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

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