Opinion

Band 4+: In many parts of the world, traditional local festivals and cultural celebrations are being replaced by globalized commercial holidays. What are the reasons for this trend and what can be done to preserve cultural identity?

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In today’s modern era, ancient customs are changing swiftly, Specificaly by modern countries. Consequently a pertient debate has emerged about traditional festivals have been replacing by global celebrations and holidays which has created two differents idealogies that some are thinking, it will pave the way for cultural disapearance while other are claiming, it is a natural way of evolution in this world. In this essay I will explore both persperctives and give my own viewpoint on culture’s disapearance.

Traditional festivals are truely have been replaced by countries’ events and commercialized holidays which resulted in rituals disapearance that people are now adopting quickly these practices. This is happening because people are now motivating toward new cultures, norms, and being enthusiastic about modernization. For example, this phenomenon is evident in western countries of the world which their ancient practices are now vanishing day by day through replaceable events. If these practices continues non-stop, it will resulte customs disapearance world wide.

Even though traditions and customs are replacing by contemporay societies, the humans adopted-driven nature cannot be overlooked which is always trying to thrive toward globalized world. This adoption has been seen for sentuaries in numerous civilizations around the globe. For instance, turkish communities within industrialization and globalization connectivity, leaves its culture, norm, and rituals which is gradually turing into modernalized state in eastern-europ.

Although ancient customs have been replaced by new life-style celebrations in countries, the human nature of adoption is also a contributing factor to culture disapearance. From my point of view these both practices are responsible factors to world wide celebrations deduction.

Word Count: 262

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

which: 5

world: 5

customs: 4

disapearance: 4

practices: 4

ancient: 3

countries: 3

celebrations: 3

these: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both perspectives and presenting a personal view. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity. The arguments are not well-supported with specific examples or detailed reasoning, and there is some repetition. The position is discernible but not clearly or consistently developed. To improve, focus on clearly structuring each paragraph around a single main idea, use specific and relevant examples to support your points, and ensure that your own view is clearly stated and justified. Additionally, proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay attempts to address the topic but lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction presents both perspectives but is confusing due to grammatical errors. The body paragraphs are not well-developed, and the connection between ideas is often unclear. The conclusion is weak and does not effectively summarize the discussion or present a clear personal view. To improve, focus on structuring each paragraph around a single main idea, using clear topic sentences, and ensuring a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is limited and often inaccurate. There are frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'Specificaly', 'pertient', 'idealogies', 'disapearance', 'persperctives', 'truely', 'resulte', 'sentuaries', 'modernalized', 'europ', 'deduction') and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'pertient debate', 'adopted-driven nature', 'thrive toward globalized world'). The essay lacks the range and precision needed for a higher score. To improve, expand your vocabulary through reading and practice, and always proofread for spelling errors. Use more specific and accurate terms to express your ideas.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that impede understanding. These include subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'festivals have been replacing', 'people are now motivating'), incorrect verb tenses, missing articles, and faulty sentence structures. Punctuation is also problematic, with missing commas and periods. The essay would benefit from a thorough review of basic grammar rules, particularly verb forms and sentence construction. Practice writing simpler, clearer sentences to improve accuracy before attempting more complex structures.

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