Cause And Solution

Band 5+: In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon, and what are some of the possible solutions?

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In many professional sports, it has been observed an expanding number of athletes who use banned substances in order to gain better performance. This essay will discuss about how rivalry in sport can lead to using this stuff and some possible solutions.

The main cause of consuming is tense rivalry in professional sports. A lot of athletes train overwhelming amount of time, spending 10-14 hours a day so as to be the best in competition. So the winner is always only one, everyone want to be the first, as a result it creates rivalry.

In order to exceed themself and get out of their limits athletes consume unpermitted substances, that are not made for sport, most of them are for health. In spite of this, doping are not always carried out deliberately, it can be done by sharing dishes with someone who use substances and not related to sport. For example, Kamila Valieva’s doping scandal in 2022, she was accused for consuming banned drug (trimetazidine), but it is said that it happened because she used the same dishes with her grandfather who took pills.

Moreover, solutions for this phenomenon are often taking doping tests before competitions and increase fine if sportsmen consume it. If sport government boosts fine for doping, sport clubs will observe in case athletes have banned substances. Also, taking more doping tests will make athletes think twice before cheating, it will reduce amount of people in professional sports who consume it.

In conclusion, strong and effective testing is the main solution, if international sport federations pretend they do not notice this phenomenon, a number of young people consuming banned drugs will not stop extending.

Word Count: 277

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sport: 6

athletes: 5

doping: 5

banned: 4

substances: 4

professional: 3

sports: 3

consuming: 3

consume: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and offering some relevant ideas regarding the causes and solutions related to athletes using banned substances. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. The essay could benefit from more specific examples and a more in-depth exploration of the solutions. To improve, focus on providing clearer explanations and supporting your points with more detailed evidence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened for improved flow. Transitions between ideas are sometimes abrupt, and the overall argument could benefit from clearer signposting. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas and ensure a smoother reading experience.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and natural. Some phrases are not idiomatic, and there is room to expand the range of vocabulary used to discuss the topic. Focus on learning and incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to sports, performance enhancement, and ethical issues. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede understanding. Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are noticeable. While the essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of grammatical structures, accuracy needs improvement. Review basic grammar rules and practice applying them in writing to reduce errors.

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