Band 4+: In some countries around the world, men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why is this happening? What are the effects on society and family life?

The essay addresses the prompt, but the development of ideas is significantly limited and often lacks logical coherence. While you identify some reasons (career, marriage, health) and some effects (stress), the connection between these points is unclear. For example, you mention health issues as a *reason* for having children late, whereas the prompt implies that having children late is a social trend that might *cause* health issues. This misunderstanding of the cause-and-effect relationship weakens the response. To improve, you should: 1. **Clarify the logic:** Ensure that the reasons you provide actually explain *why* people are delaying parenthood (e.g., higher cost of living, pursuit of higher education, or career stability) rather than focusing on the medical complications of late pregnancy. 2. **Develop ideas more deeply:** Instead of just listing points, explain them. For instance, if you mention career, explain how professional ambition leads to delaying marriage. 3. **Address all parts of the prompt:** Ensure you clearly distinguish between the 'reasons' for the trend and the 'effects' on society and family life. The current essay focuses heavily on the individual's health struggle rather than the broader societal impact (e.g., aging populations or smaller family units). 4. **Improve Cohesion:** Use linking words more effectively to show the relationship between ideas, rather than just using 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Moreover' to list disconnected sentences.

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often difficult to follow because the logical links between sentences are weak. Some cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand') are used, but they do not always align with the content of the paragraphs. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic sentence and that every subsequent sentence directly supports that topic. Avoid using transition words if the logical connection between ideas is not clearly established.

The vocabulary used is quite limited and often repetitive. There are several instances of incorrect word choices (e.g., 'having child lately' instead of 'having children later in life', 'forging career' instead of 'building a career', and 'having vitamins' instead of 'taking vitamins'). To improve, work on learning collocations (words that naturally go together) and expanding your range of synonyms to avoid repeating the same terms. Aim to use more precise academic vocabulary to describe social trends and biological processes. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical errors are frequent and significantly impact the clarity of the message. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence structure (e.g., 'it caused by' instead of 'it is caused by'), and the use of articles. Many sentences are fragmented or poorly constructed, making it difficult for the reader to understand the intended meaning. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, correct verb tenses, and the use of passive voice for describing causes. Practicing sentence combining techniques will also help in creating more complex and accurate structures.